Life is Healthy

Katie J linked to the Christine's blog the Deliberate Life. She linked to a particular post titled "How to Lose 100 Pounds Cheap and Easy." After I read this post, I realized that I haven't been taking my weight loss journey all that seriously. If I want to lose weight, it's up to me to make the right choices and decisions. I know I have to eat less and move more. I know, in truth, there are no miracles. And I am the only one who can lose the weight—no one can do it for me. Even if I were filthy rich and could hire people to do most anything, I still couldn't hire someone to lose weight for me.

Christine recognized that you have to be brutally honest with yourself to succeed. You can't sneak bites of brownie and expect to lose weight. You have to exercise; she chose to walk. Exercise doesn't have to cost a thing. There really are no excuses. So I think I'm getting to a new place—a new mind set. I've been deliberately moving more, no matter how little, just to do it. I'm more conscious of every bite I put in my mouth. I also have a better understanding of why I continue to overeat despite what I know. So now I'm working on moving forward.

P.S. It depends on what's really important to you.

Baby Oil Allergy
Of all things to be allergic to, I'm allergic to baby oil. How do I know? I was using it to soothe dry, winter skin. But I kept getting itchier until finally I developed a full, blown rash. It's just now going away. I had no idea you could be allergic to baby oil. Isn't it made from hypoallergenic ingredients? Well, take a look at the label. Right there it says, "If rash develops, discontinue use." Seriously. So beware of that strange winter rash. It may be from baby oil.

Later—

Addiction is something I think about a lot. Lately I've been watching a lot of TV programs that discuss it. I've also been fascinated by the Ted Williams story—the homeless man who shot to fame overnight because of his "golden voice." Williams has now decided that he needs a stint in rehab. And I say good for him.

If you're new to my blog, you may not know that I have a long history with addiction and addicts. I worked at a local homeless shelter while I was in college. My father was an alcoholic as was my husband. I've become pretty keen at knowing when an addict is lying. I've been pretty sure that Williams has been lying about how long he's been sober. I suspect that he hasn't been sober at all. Lying is characteristic in addiction. I have friend who has a history of addiction but has long been sober. He told me that when he was deep into his addiction, he chose to lie even when it made more sense to tell the truth.

In Williams case, lying about his sobriety isn't the worst of his problems. Becoming famous overnight, however, may have been the catalyst to set him off on a binge that he would not have recovered from. But in deciding that rehab was what he needed more than fame is definitely the right choice.

Dr. Phil Uncovers the Truth
When I watched a few excerpts of Williams appearance on Dr. Phil, and I really looked at Williams' face, the fear that I saw was undeniable.  In part of the discussion, William said he was already thinking of going back to Ohio. Dr. Phil told him that would be the biggest mistake he could make. And Williams got that "he knows my secret" look. I know that look. I know all he wanted to do was run and hide. And then drown out everything in river of alcohol.

The reason I'm discussing this today is that I identify wholeheartedly with addiction. While I've spent my life dealing with alcoholics, I've truly been no better off myself. What my family did with alcohol, I do with food. I use it bury what's really bothering me—stuff it down so it can't get out. And it endangers my health.

Some people say they eat no matter what their feeling—happy, sad, whatever. It's all the same. But in reality, it's what they do to feel good. And it's worked—at least for a while.

What is addiction?
Addiction has typically been thought of as a physical dependence on a chemical, such as alcohol, drugs, or tobacco. We usually think of this chemical as something that alters brain chemistry once it's been ingested. But addiction can occur when a particular behavior becomes a repeated pattern that we use to bring comfort to ourselves, despite negative consequences, such as overeating.

My Addiction

When I get upset, I begin to crave chocolate. I can almost taste it. That's how strong the urge becomes. And eating the chocolate make me feel good while I'm eating it. Afterward though, I'm disgusted with myself. I begin to feel guilty. Then I know that I'll never be the person I want to be. But isn't that a funny choice of words? I know I'll never be able to do it. Am I also fulfilling my own prophesy? Do I think I'm a fake? A phony undeserving of happiness? Is that how all addicts think? We just need to be medicated and put away?

Anyway, these are my thoughts these days. And today, I feel like I'm getting to a place where I have some control. So all of this self reflection has done me some good. I hope you find peace, too.

More later—

Well, I gained four pounds. And that puts me back at, gulp, 200 pounds. Thank God I'm still exercising. I have to get the eating under control. Yesterday I also ate some chicken noodle soup. That stuff contains so much salt. Ugh. Anyway, I think I know why I've been so out of control. The thing is, though, it happened 20 years ago.