Think Quote, Year 01, Day 089
An expert is a person who avoids small error as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
(Benjamin Stolberg)
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What Would You Regret?
If you had 24 hours left to live, what would you most regret? According to an article in the New York Times, most people regret a lost romanic opportunity. Other top regrets were education, career, and health issues to name a few.While I have a few regrets, my biggest one is that my thyroid disease wasn't found sooner. I regret that I gained so much weight because of it. I regret that I always felt too tired, too stressed out, and too frustrated because of it. So, for me, health is a big regret.
What about you?
what if nothing changes?
Today is a treatment day.
For the first time ever, I will have Herceptin on its own (if you don't count the Demerol and Gravol I get to keep the shakes and fevers at bay).
Some people have almost no side effects with Herceptin. Some feel like they have the flu.
Will the fact that my body has such a strong response to Herceptin mean that I feel more of its side effects?
The break from chemotherapy is meant to help me heal and rebuild - physically and emotionally.
The break from chemo is also a risk.
Think Quote, Year 01, Day 088
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
(Anonymous)
Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser.
(Vince Lombardi)
To lead an untrained people to war is to throw them away.
(Confucius)
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small changes: two steps forward...
It's high time I reported in on my plan to make small and lasting health-related changes in my life this year.
It turns out that a small change every week is too much to expect, so I'm going to stop numbering them that way. It makes me feel like less of a slacker.
First change: Weigh in and record my weight every Monday.
My scale is broken and I have yet to have it fixed or replaced.
Second change: Do strength training exercises developed for cancer survivors. Work up to about thirty minutes, three times a week.
I've done these exactly six times in the six weeks since I last updated. It's too easy to talk myself out of doing the exercises. On run days, I tell myself that I'm too tired or don't have time and on non-run days I either don't think about it or don't want to do the exercises in my street clothes. I'm lacking both structure and discipline.
I've been pondering going swimming. I also did something last week that I may live to regret. I bought a twenty class fitness pass from a local gym. It only cost twenty dollars, and I have two years from the first class to use up the pass. It's pretty low risk but I'm worried I'm going to hate it.
At least it addresses the structure question.
Third change: Drink no more than five alcoholic drinks per week.
I seem to be better at breaking old habits than starting new ones. I've had no problem with this goal.
Fourth change: Drink more water.
My original goal was to drink around ninety ounces a day. That was unrealistic and made me feel hungry,jittery and even a little nauseated. Also, I was constantly running to the bathroom. Instead, I am now aiming for the more realistic eight glasses a day. This is no problem for me.
Fifth change: Meditate every day. Start at five minutes and work my way up to twenty.
I suck at meditating. I just can't seem to still my brain, even if only for a few minutes. I find myself making lists, wondering what to do next, even mentally writing blog posts about how hard it is to meditate.
I suppose I should keep trying, as lots of folks I respect tell me how much they gain from their daily practice. It's a struggle though. I'm comfortable with silence. I don't tend to listen to my ipod when I go for walks or running but I do find sitting still and silencing my thoughts to be hard, hard, hard.
And see above re "structure" or lack thereof.
Sixth change: Always sit down to eat.
It's a very interesting experience to notice how often I pop food into my mouth while standing up. Sometimes, I only think about my plan to change after I'm done. But it's a good habit to break and I'm glad I'm doing it.
And announcing...
Eighth change: Take all my vitamins and supplements.
A while ago, I became so overwhelmed with the amount of vitamins and supplements that had been recommended for me that I just stopped taking any of them. The bottles were taking up way too much room in my kitchen cupboard and I couldn't find a vitamin box big enough to accommodate them all. I everything up in a box and put it in the bathroom in my basement.
Last Thursday, I found a giant pill box and spent half an hour on the week end getting organized. Yesterday, I took most of the vitamins (at different times throughout the day) and had raging heartburn by early afternoon.
Today, I have yet to take any.
I have recently re-connected with my nutritionist and we're going to review the supplements I'm taking, at an appointment two weeks from now. I'm also confused about interactions. Some vitamins should be taken with others and some shouldn't. Some taken with food and some not. Is it any wonder I put them all in a box in the basement?
Perhaps I should be setting priorities. What should those be? Calcium? Vitamin D? Fish oil?
Anyone else out there have the problem of getting heartburn when you take vitamins?
As always, I welcome your thoughts and feedback. What changes have you made for your health in the last while? How's it working out?
Unfinished Business
I had a good cry in my papasan chair Friday afternoon. (Best chair ever. It’s a cradleing wonder.) I cried because I was feeling stuck and I kept hearing “Stuck in a Moment” by U2 in my head:
You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And now you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
‘Oh you’re sooo wrong, Mr. Bono. Later WILL be better,’ I argued.
I never thought you were a fool
But darling, look at you. Ooh.
You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight
‘Cause tears are going nowhere baby
‘Shut up! Tears seem like a really good strategy right now because I don’t know what else to do!’
And if the night runs over
And if the day won’t last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
It’s just a moment
This time will pass
‘Wait…you mean this is just a moment? I don’t have to think about and solve every future moment right now?’
I sat with that question for a moment. I wondered how to push through the stuck without ignoring it. I remembered a book I bought months ago called “Unfinished Business.” The author, Lee Kravitz, at age 54, lost his job as editor of “Parade” magazine and spent the following year doing what Gail Sheehy said in a recent column about the book, some “emotional rehab.” Kravitz reconnected with people from his past, people he had largely forgotten or dismissed because he’d become so busy with his career. In doing so, he found compassion for himself and for others, and discovered the essential need we all have for human connectedness.
Sitting in the papasan, eyes dried, I started reading “Unfinished Business.”
“It isn’t the easy tasks that become our unfinished business; it’s the hard ones, the ones we are most afraid to face…
“The items on my list of unfinished business were linked to my deepest feelings of helplessness, disappointment and fear. It’s ironic: We consign our most essential business to the bottom of our to-do list because we lack the time and energy to do the things that matter most in our lives. It makes sense: The most important things take the most time and energy and we have only so much time and energy in a day. You let things slide. But…if one can attend to these things, great rewards will follow."
If one can attend to those things… I read that line several times and realized that one of my pieces of unfinished business is reconnecting with myself. I’ve struggled with journaling – both my food and emotional life – because I’ve been reluctant to find out what’s driving me to distraction and to examine some old habits I keep perpetuating. This “essential business,” that which would help me become a more compassionate person not only to myself but others, is what I’ve put at the bottom of my to-do list.
I remembered listening to an interview with Kravitz on Radio Times (click here to listen to it) and how he’d mentioned a toolkit he’d put together for others to address their unfinished business. I closed the book and went to the website, My Unfinished Business and found the toolkit:
“Addressing your unfinished business is a five-step process. It involves:
1. Identifying the unfinished business that gnaws at you
2. Confronting the fears at its root
3. Reaching out to the person(s) you wronged
4. Making amends
5. Reflecting on the experience
“Each of these five steps is important to the process. Unless you face your fears, it will be difficult for you to reach out to the person you’ve wronged. Unless you reach out to the person, you can’t make amends.
“It is through reflection that you learn the lessons that will help you refine your conscience and continue making a heart-felt commitment to acting in accordance with your most deeply held ideals."
I took a look at the worksheets and I think most of them can be adapted for reconnecting with myself. I’ve printed them out and starting today, I am going to focus on what’s driving me to distraction. It’s time to address those moments I feel stuck in, the ones that in time will pass, but they’ll pass with greater clarity if I take care of my unfinished business.
A Kenyan caught smuggling in meth worth Rp2.19 billion
Antara News, Mon, March 28 2011
Tangerang, Banten (ANTARA News) - A Kenyan national has been caught smuggling in illegal methamphetamine worth Rp12.9 billion at Jakarta`s Soekarno-Hatta airport on Monday.
"The arrest was made after he acted suspiciously upon arrival," head of the airport`s customs service`s investigation and enforcement section, Gator Sugeng Wibowo, said.
He said during examination the Kenyan known by his initial as PM (37) was discovered carrying meth in 100 capsules put in his bag.
She told customs officers that this was the first for her to come to Indonesia. She came aboard Emirates Airlines aircraft with flight number EK-368 from Dubai.
The customs and the National Anti-Narcotic Agency officers suspected she was a courier. She could face a death penalty if proven violating Artile 113 of Law Number 35 of 2009 on narcotics.
Earlier a Nigerian national known as BJN (51) was arrested at the airport carrying 1,540 grams of meth put in 106 capsules in his stomach. He came aboard Thai Airways plane from Bangkok.
Editor: Aditia Maruli
