mixed. but good. i think.
Cross-posted to Mothers With Cancer.
when Google is not your friend
a day at the chemo unit
chronically whiny
i get personal with the Run for the Cure
This is the text from my page at Run for the Cure site;
Thanks for visiting my personal page.
I was diagnosed with very agressive breast cancer in January 2006. In November of that year, I learned that it had spread to my liver.
My oncologist told me that the were "more tumours than they could count" and when I asked how long I could expect to live, he reluctantly answered, "Years. Not decades."
Fast forward to June 2007, when after several rocky months of treatments, I started feeling much better. Then, on June 30th 2007, a scan confirmed what my body had been telling me - there was no longer any sign of cancer in my body!
I have been in remission for three years. I'll remain in treatment (chemotherapy and Herceptin every four weeks) for the forseeable future, though. There are so few women in my postion that no one can reliably say what will happen if I stop. But I've noticed that my family and are planning ahead and casually making reference to events that will take place years in the future and assuming that I will be there.
I am running on October 3rd so that more women will be granted a future they thought had been stolen from them.
I'm running in the hope that some day soon women like me can walk away from treatment with confidence that the cancer is behind them.
I'm running so that my nieces and other young girls need never worry about breast cancer at all.
I have added a permanent link to the blog (top right hand side) that you can click on any time, if you want to make a donation.
watch me on tee vee!
Or catch it online.
I'm being featured in a story on cancer blogging on CBC News Network (formerly Newsworld). Tune in this evening, between 8:00 - 9:00 p.m. ET
You can also watch online at cbc.ca/connect (I'll post a direct link to the video once the show has aired).
I promise to blog more about the whole experience (I was interviewed at home with my family and in the chemo room) but I wanted to give all a chance to check it out..
If you watch the show, let me know what you think.
0-2-9-14
perspective in grey
On June 30th it will be three years since my first clean scan, after the cancer had spread to my liver.
in other news
I was felled by a yucky stomach bug this week and really didn't feel much like blogging. It's the price I pay for a weakened immune system. My older son is home sick today, too. Not sure what his excuse is.
Also, my spouse is in Florida. As far as I know, he's not sick.
To compensate for my bitterness at having been struck down during a week of single parenting (I know, some of you have to deal with this kind of thing all the time), I thought I would show off a little.
Here is my latest clapotis. I made it for my mom.
She thinks she's not very photogenic but I think she's lovely.
I made this thing on tiny (2.75mm, if you care about these things) needles and a laceweight (read very fine) yarn. It nearly killed me.
I was working on it during chemo one day and one of the pharmacists, herself a knitter, shook her head and exclaimed, "You must really love your mother!"
I do.And while I wouldn't necessarily recommend doing this as a laceweight (not just because it takes forever but because fixing errors is a painstaking process) but I am very pleased with the end results. The yarn is an alpaca and silk blend from Knit Picks and the scarf is soft, airy and has a lovely drape.
I think I am addicted to the clapotis. Although I'll do it in a thicker yarn and on bigger needles (the original was done in my much thicker yarn). Doing this on sock yarn will feel like a breeze.
And did you note the state of my walls?
I have been stripping wallpaper. It's part of a project that a friend is helping with (I know that should be "with which a friend is helping" but that felt awkward. Just want you sticklers to know that I am aware that I'm taking liberties). She offered to "paint a room" in my house in exchange for a bunch of kids' stuff we'd outgrown.
I definitely got the better end of that deal. We got a bunch of stuff out of our house and she has already devoted two afternoons to scraping the wallpaper in my hallway - on two floors and up the stairs.
I have to admit that I have never undertaken this kind of project before and I'm actually enjoying it. On our second afternoon we used "Concentrated Wallpaper Remover" from the hardware store and the hard-to-scrape stuff just melted off. Very cool. I hope it's not too terribly toxic. There didn't seem to be any fumes. It kind of smelled like dish soap.
There's another hour of stripping to do and then I gather everything has to be washed, then primed then painted. And then it will all look so good that the rest of the house will seem really dingy in contrast.
Finally, I feel like I can't conclude this post without mentioning the horrific situation in Haiti. Please give what you can, to a reputable organization.
When the Yarn Harlot sent out the "knit signal" last week, I was prompted to direct my money to Médecins Sans Frontières (Doctors Without Borders). They are already set up to help and do excellent work aroun the world.
Click here to donate in Canada, the United States or everywhere else in the world (find your country in the menu on the left). The Harlot mentioned in her post that it is most helpful if you direct your donation to "Emergency Relief" or "Greatest Needs" instead of to a specific project.
15 movies that stick with you
This is a meme that has been doing the rounds on Facebook. I posted it there yesterday but I am too tired and lazy to write anything original today thought it worth sharing with the rest of the world
Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen movies you've seen that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes.
You can participate in the comments or leave a link to your own blog.
1. Gallipoli
2. Fast Times at Ridgemont High
3. An Officer an A Gentleman
4. El Norte
5. The Killing Fields
6. Swimming to Cambodia
7. The Princess Bride
8. Grease
9. Priscilla Queen of the Desert
10. The Breakfast Club
11. Rachel Getting Married
12. History of the World Part 1
13. The Producers (the original version)
14. The Thomas Crowne Affair
15. Mamma Mia
things i've learned in the last 7 days about h1n1 (and other things)
My older son and I were both sick last week and are bouncing back rather nicely. The experience taught me a few things, though:
1- The illness varies in its intensity. We both ended up with fairly mild cases.
2- My doctor is extremely efficient and her office is very well organized. This ended up making a very big difference for us.
3- Tamiflu, if administered within the first 48 hours of the onset of symptoms, can greatly alleviate those symptoms.
4- Oral Tamiflu can make you feel very, very queasy.
5- You don't always get a fever when you have the illness.
6- If you have any of the symptoms, you should assume you have the illness.
7- You will not get tested for H1N1 unless you land in the hospital.
8- Even if you think you've had swine flu, you should still get the vaccine, unless it was confirmed with a test.
9- The hysteria around this is getting to be a little overwhelming. Remember: Most folks who get H1N1 do not get seriously ill.
10- If you are having trouble breathing, you should go your hospital's emergency room.
11- If you have been running a fever for more than 48 hours, you should see your doctor.
12- Judging by the line-ups in Ottawa, there are a lot of people who live here who fall into high risk groups.
13- My six year old knows how to come through in the crunch. He stood in line for 5 and a half hours. He was patient and good humoured the whole time (my spouse was with him). And then he got a needle at the end. The only thing he asked (at regular intervals) was if he could go to St. Hubert when they were done.
Even though it was well past his bed time, T. took him there when they were finished (I forgot to ask him if he had beer with his chicken). And since St-Hubert now has nut free desserts, he topped off the meal with a brownie and ice cream.
And then we bought him a new game for his DS.
14- If you leave me a link saying that the vaccine is poisonous or that I am a dupe of the pharmaceutical industry, I will not be impressed. Chemotherapy is poison, too and it has saved my life. There really is such a thing as a "necessary evil."
I won't add my rant about how this pandemic is being mis-managed by all levels of government because I wouldn't be able to stop.
I will share Rick Mercer's rant with you, though.
how cool is this?
Yesterday morning, I got a call from Oresta. She told me that she had read my article in the Centretown Buzz and wanted to reach out to me.
Even though I love her store and spa (I asked for gift certificates for Christmas last year), I was not on her mailing list and had not received the letter that I posted above.
It's hard to read, so here is the text, in full:
OCTOBER is BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH
Pinkwasher: (pink’-wah-sher) noun. A company that pur-
ports to care about breast cancer by promoting a pink
ribboned product, but manufactures products that are
linked to the disease.
Dear clients,
ORESTA organic skin care confectionery is committed to providing organic spa
treatments and to supporting companies that manufacture truly pure and organic
products. We believe in beauty without compromising your health.
We have been touched by cancer in our families and with our clientele - as
cancer survivors and undergoing cancer therapy. The prevailing comment of clients
who have come in for a spa treatment while undergoing therapy was how nurturing a
visit to ORESTA organic skin care confectionery was for them.
We have wanted to help the cause but have struggled with a way to do this.
Do we donate a % of sales? a % of services? Do we fundraise? For which organiza-
tion or foundation? In the end, what feels right for us, is doing what we do best:
pampering.
If you, a friend or loved one is undergoing cancer therapy and would enjoy an
organic facial treatment, please contact us. We are committed to treating one
woman per week to a complimentary ORESTA treatment.
Oresta was calling to offer me a facial (I am going on Friday) but I offered to blog about this offer. She asked me to clarify that she and her staff will be offering this service to women undergoing treatment throughout the year - not just during October.
I am impressed and touched beyong words. Have any of you ever heard of anyone else doing this?
I told my spouse that, by coincidence, I had written in journal that morning that I would really like a facial. He said, "Tomorrow, could you write that you would really like a home renovation?"
random. out of necessity
"Texas doesn't have a drug repository that would take this medicine and pass it on to someone who needs it, and she hates to see it go to waste, as do I.Any ideas, readers?Obviously, we can't break the law and put this stuff on eBay or Craigslist, so I am looking for legal ways to get these expensive drugs to someone who can use them."


frequent flyer
"We squeezed you onto another team," she replied.
bone loss: a public service announcement
I have been reading Cancer Fitness by Anna L. Scharwtz. I'm only a few chapters in, but the book has already taught me some important things.
I don't tend to devote a lot of thought to preventing bone loss but I did know that regular weight-bearing exercise helps prevent bone loss and to build strong bones. And while I walk and run (just finished the Running Room's beginner program again), I really don't do any strength training (or core work, for that matter, despite repeated promises to myself).
The women in my family tend to have strong bones (and good bone density) but what I didn't realize was how many factors put me at risk:
- early menopause, as a result of chemotherapy.
- doxorubicin (Adriamycin, the infamous "red devil). I had 6 rounds (this is also the drug that temporarily damaged my heart).
- decadron and other steroids (I had higher doses with the first 6 rounds of chemo but I still get decadron through IV with every chemo treatment, to help mitigate side effects).
- lorazepam (Ativan, which I use only occasionally for insomnia. I had absolutely no idea that it caused bone loss)
- regular consumption of caffeine.
And I don't drink very much milk, either.
Remember, that promise to myself I made in January? Well, I have not made as much progress as I would like. So, I signed up for a fitness class at my local community centre that incorporates core work and strength training (since the free weights, stability ball and exercise bands don't seem to be doing much more than collecting dust) to get myself started. Now, I have another reason to get to it.
I also took a calcium supplement today for the first time in months. Those suckers are horse pills but I think I need to get back into the habit of choking them down.
What are you doing to prevent bone loss?
New website Healthtalkonline providing great information.
In the past you where told you have an illness or disease such as cancer, given some leaflets and then had to wait in fear for your treatment such as chemotherapy or a major operation. However this website has changed all that, you can now hear from people who have been diagnosed with the same health problem and they can alleviate your fears.
http://www.healthtalkonline.org/
Mushroom has powerful effect against tumours and cancer.

Reishi contains germanium and is considered to have a powerful effect against tumours and cancer. Recent research has found Reishi to be beneficial in relieving fatigue and stress, treating viral infections and joint inflammations. It is also said to reduce the effects of chemotherapy.
Reishi mushroom is available from good health food stores in capsule form, and are now increasingly incorporated as an ingredient in many multivitamin-mineral supplements.
down and up and some parentheses
Well, hello there.
It's been quite the week.
On June, 10th, I woke up with a sore throat. I didn't take my temperature until early afternoon, by which time it became clear that I was running a fever. I called the nurse who works with my oncologist (I'm supposed to do this, since I have a suppressed immune system, thanks to chemotherapy) and was directed to go to the emergency room at the hospital connected to the cancer centre.
I really, really balked at going but within three hours I was home with a prescription for penicillin (I think chemo recipients get fast-tracked through emergency these days). I was moved pretty quickly to my own treatment room (the most traumatic moments came when I was asked if I minded if a less-experienced nurse accessed my portacath. Within minutes, there were five nurses in the tiny room, in addition to my spouse and I. There was lots of fumbling and it took a couple of tries but eventually they got things working). After examining me, the doctor concluded that I was "a very sick person."
What was foremost on my mind, as I lay waiting for the doctor (in addition to the observation that having strep throat or the flu is nowhere nearly as scary as cancer), was that the Toronto launch for my book was supposed to happen the next day.
I spoke to my publisher but decided not to make any decisions that night, in case I felt better the next day (that was a mix of denial and delirium). My GP called the next morning to check in on me and said, explicitly what I needed to hear, "You are sick. Don't travel." (No kidding)
The publisher decided that morning that they would proceed without me. I was disappointed but understood completely. I sent out a few messages to that effect and went back to bed. When I awoke, I found out that the event had been postponed. I was pleased and sent out another round of emails, tweets and Facebook updates. I am sorry if I confused any of you with these messages (and even sorrier if you showed up for the event to find out it was cancelled).
Everyone at Women's Press was really, really kind to me and very sympathetic about all the scrambling they had to do at the last minute. I will post an update when we re-schedule the launch.
In other news, we had a sleepover involving eight 11 year old boys on Saturday night. My house will never be the same. What made us do this (other than love for our son)? More denial. It appears I am still very good at it.
I also took two extremely excited 6 year olds on the O-Train to the movie theatre. We saw Up. I loved it. And the little dervishes settled down and were mesmerized for the duration. It was the quietest part of my week end.
isn't this lovely?
I'm still feeling crappy, so I thought I would share something that really makes me smile.
I met Claudia at the 2009 Conference for Young Women Affected By Breast Cancer. Every time I saw her, she was wearing a very different and very funky hat.
This one, made from coffee filters was one of my favourites:
When Claudia was diagnosed with breast cancer, she launched the She Arts Project: "a collaboration with 30+ Artists with photographs from Meg Luther Lindholm."
The photographs eventually became part of an travelling exhibit. You can see more of them here.
I love this kind of thing.