Life is Healthy

This is to tell you all the very exciting news that JonnyB, of the famous Private Secret Diary, has a book out called Sex & Bowls & Rock and Roll: How I Swapped My Rock Dreams for Village Greens. You probably knew that already, as my readers are pretty much an ever-dwindling subset of his, but in case there is anyone reading this that doesn't know that then you should go to his blog straight away and start reading (after you have finished here).

And while a lot of people would just copy one idea straight from their blog and pad it out to make a book, perhaps also flogging it to death on T-shirts and Christmas cards, JonnyB has taken the essence of his blog and pretty much written a whole new book, with a beginning and a middle and an end and everything. If you like the blog, you will love the book, and also not constantly be saying, "I have already read this bit" (unless you are re-reading the book). Plus it has chapter titles which reference things like Cardiacs songs.

I feel a bit like a midwife with this book. It wasn't my idea, I didn't carry it as it grew inside me, and I haven't gone through any kind of labour to produce it. All I did was say a few encouraging things along the way, then right at the end I stuck my hand up its foofoo and had a rummage. For which I am mentioned in the acknowledgements - woohoo!

There is nothing more to say except that it is very very very very funny, and that you should buy it here.

I don't usually just link to other things on the web as there are plenty of other places that do. But I currently have five scripts to write which is (a) good, and (b) good, but might give me some kind of nervous breakdown. Just while I'm typing this sentence five deadlines are ticking away. And this sentence. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Why aren't I working on one of them right now? Right this second? Instead of typing this sentence? I am an idiot. A real idiot.

So whilst there is this blogging hiatus, I ask how do you make the greatest piece of music in the world even better? Like this:



Doesn't that just work brilliantly?

Check out the YouTube info and comments for the sad story of how Shawn Phillips came up with this seminal piece of music (I have flashbacks to power cuts and the IRA every time I hear it) in a jam session, then due to not being a member of the Musicians' Union ended up signing away everything.

(Original instrumental version here.)

I have signed up to that formspring thing that seems to be popular, so that you can ask me questions anonymously and find out more about the man behind the bath mat. I don't think there is much more to find out, but we shall see.

http://www.formspring.me/salvadorev

... To the literally half-dozens of you who are still reading my increasingly intermittent posts. Thank you for sticking around - your comments really do inspire me to continue, and I will try to do more in the New Year. I've just paid to upgrade Haloscan to Echo, and I am nothing if not tight-fisted, so I will be determined to get my £6.33-worth in the next 12 months. That is over 50p a month, so I am hoping for some cracking pedantry battles being fought out in the comments boxes to make it worth it. In fact, I can foresee a graph of cost-per-comment coming up...

My recent lack of posting is down to the usual busy-ness of work (two nice new commissions and a couple of things of my own in development) and small child (he is two! How did that happen?!), however these are both good things and not to be complained about. Not too much, anyway.

We did have some new windows installed recently. Unfortunately the company were professional and punctual which is great for the weatherproofness of our flat, but not so good as a source of comic inspiration. However, next year there is the possibility of a house move, with all the attendant minor disasters to blog about, plus the subsequent need to do loads of DIY which is always good for those "I Have Broken My House/Cut Off My Hand" posts.

I was looking through a cupboard last week and found something I'd made as a child, which would have made a brilliant series of festive posts, but that will have to wait until next Christmas now. So watch this space, and in the meantime have a good one.

Does anyone remember an 80s pop video where a still photo was taken of the artiste playing every note on a keyboard (in various poses) then these were sequenced together in jump cuts to match the melody?

I need to completely rip it off use it as a reference.

Extra points for direct linking to YouTube.

... to you all, and thank you for reading my intermittent posts this year. If I didn’t have this blog and the feedback from you all then I’d never have finished the half-formulated idea I had about ZZ Top’s lyrics, and Father Christmas would now just be filling the nation’s music/maths geeks’ stockings with coal.

I have been working hard promoting the book. This has included handing out spare Venn That Tune Christmas cards to commuters at Liverpool Street station. I used to work in the City, and was wondering if anyone I knew would see me and go back to their office and say, “Do you remember Salvadore? Thought he was better than all the rest of us and left to “become a writer”? Well I just saw him at the station handing out flyers.” I do hope so.

So, best wishes to you all, and if anyone still hasn’t done their Christmas shopping then I have a suggestion...

A rather scruffy cuddly dog, wearing a striped scarf with a bobble. Dropped by a passing child, unwanted by a nearby householder or just out for a walk and it stopped to cock its leg?

Day 1


Day 2


Day 3


Alas, it was not to be another five week epic. Let's hope that the child found him before the street sweeper.

That's it for the year from me. Season's Greetings to you all. Sorry that the posting got a bit sporadic after MY LOVELY BABY was born, but then so did the sleep. Thank you as ever for all your comments. It really makes a difference knowing that people enjoy the silly stuff that I come up with. From considering going back to C++ last January, I think I've got seven writing jobs on the go next month, one of which came in a totally unexpected way from the space I have to try ideas out here, so I have much to be grateful for. But mainly MY LOVELY BABY!!!11!!!!1!!

Please enjoy this page from Ceefax for a while. I am back from my holiday, but am about to tackle the kitchen floor, so I am sure that I will be back with a tale of disaster soon (unless I glue myself down, in which case I shall have to survive on whatever is in the nearest cupboard. *Makes mental note not to start in "cleaning products" territory*).

Until now.

Go here and see how, like me, you could contribute to a book of funny blog posts for Red Nose Day.

Now I'm just off to play golf with Brucey and Tarby.

To you all, from me. Who could have predicted in August that the nation would be transfixed by an abandoned bath mat for five weeks later in the year? Quite literally nobody. But we were and a lot of it was due to being spurred on by your comments. So thank you.

And I may be appearing on the radio over the festive season, with Annie Mole from the excellent Going Underground blog and possibly a pigeon in an interview about unsung blogs. I think it will be on Anita Rani's show on Boxing Day at 10pm on BBC Five Live, but it might not be. Maybe there will be some kind of listen again feature on the website. I have appeared on the radio before, and I should warn you that the BBC use very poor-quality microphones that turn my rich, deep, sonorous voice into something a bit high-pitched and nasal.

Not a proper post today, but a link back here.

And then a link here.

The power of the internet!

(Though I still need to buy some better scales.)

I have just switched to Haloscan comments, so I'm afraid that all previous comments have been deleted. If you could all just re-enter all your previous comments in the same order that would be great, thank you.