Life is Healthy

Everyday I think about what I need to do to lose weight. I try to eat right. I try to exercise. But I'm just a slug trying to be something else. But who hasn't felt like that? Just like everybody else who's in this boat with me, I'm looking for that one thing that will get me going like I was a year ago. Maybe I need some magic words.

I haven't been very good about keeping up with this blog. I have written a total of five articles. But like everything else, nothing seems to be working the way I hoped it would. That doesn't mean I'm giving up. It just means I need a different approach--I think that's what it means anyway.

Ok. I just wanted to stop in today so you guys would know I haven't disappeared. I will be back soon, too.

We are still snowed in here. WVU was closed today. That's like a once in a decade occurance. Being snowed in is making me a little stir crazy. It's also making me want to graze. I hope I get out of here by tomorrow.

I've been collecting nuggets of wisdom. Here are a few:
Carnie Wilson said: A friend of mine told me that you're only as sick as your secrets.
Dr. Drew Pinsky: Boredom really equals depression in an addict.

OK. So those are the only two I have. But they really hit home with me. Like I've said before, hiding things isn't healthy. Puttering around the house bored really means I'm too depressd to do anything else. I think I've been avoiding the world. There was a time when I wasn't like this. Ever since my husband died, though, I've been a different person. And I think the truth is that I'm scared.

How's that for an ending today?

Yea. I worked out this morning. Well, I walked a little more than two miles. That means I exercised in some sort of way five times this week—one day I worked out twice. Today, I feel more like my old self than I have in more than a year. I'm excited. Next week I'm planning to go to at least one Zumba class with a friend. Maybe I'll do more. I intend to go the gym as well, and maybe I'll even make the Pilates class.

This morning, I noticed there were a couple of older women in it. And I didn't notice until there were only 15 minutes of class time left. I was surprised and bummed out. I assumed it would always be a class filled with young people, and I was wrong. So you know what they say about assuming? (Note: I am happy about this because I am 51 years old. Sorry if it came off like I was being a jerk. No way. I love it.)

Forgiving and Moving Forward
Today I'm working on positive thinking and forgiveness. There are some people in my life that I will have a tough time forgiving. But forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, and it's my choice as to whether I have them in my life or just choose to forgive and move on.

Also, I think that the self-absorbed pity party is over. Thank God. I was getting kind of tired of me.

Nutrition Not So Great
Nutrition has been so, so. I eat healthy food—but I'm still indulging here and there—mostly here, and there, And maybe over there. Anyway, more than I should be. Usually once I get beyond a depressive episode, the chocolate cravings stop. I'm still waiting.

I'm looking forward to some warmer weather this weekend. When it's been well below freezing, anything above 32 degrees feels like a heat wave.

Don't know if I'll be writing this weekend. If not, I'll see you Monday.

Hello, my name is Kathy, and I am a foodaholic. I love to eat. There are so many foods that I love the taste of--chocolate, mashed potatoes and gravy, hamburgers, fried chicken, and the list goes on. I make special trips to the store because I'm craving something. I eat out all of the time because restaurant food is delicious.

I eat for no other reason than there's nothing better to do. I eat ice cream out of the carton. I eat chips out of the bag. I eat alone or with company. I eat like I will never be fed again.

I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm sad. I make up reasons to eat. I make up reasons that I deserve this cake, cookie, ice cream, whatever. I get mad because I can't eat whatever I want because I'll gain weight. I believe it isn't fair. Other people get to eat massive amounts of food and don't gain a pound--or at least in my world they don't. If they did, I wouldn't be able to justify my anger.

I quit smoking. Why can't I quit overeating?
Seven years ago I quit smoking. That's right. I used to smoke. I came from an era when everyone smoked. Even Rob and Laura Petrie smoked. (They slept in separate beds so I guess they needed some way to relieve the tension.) Anyway, today I got to thinking. Why was I able to quit smoking? I used patches to quit. So I had a crutch. And that made it easier.

So how can I apply my ability to quit smoking to controlling my food addictions? What was it inside me that gave me the strength to do it? I don't think they make ice cream patches--do they? So what I'm doing is looking for the person inside me who can stop. The person who can make things happen. The person who wants it bad enough.

Stay turned.

P.S. I ran across The Joy Project today. Interesting stuff.

Back at the gym this morning. I'm starting slowly. I walked for about 20 minutes and did an elliptical for about 10 minutes. I feel better but certainly not worn out.

This morning I participated in a survey about whether you have any change in body image after losing a large amount of weight. My answer is: No. I still feel like a fat person. I have more energy. I can shop for smaller clothes. But I still feel fat. If I can avoid mirrors, my day goes OK. But if I see myself, I still see a fat person. I still walk like I'm fat. I still try to cover myself like I'm fat. While I really do have a way to go yet, I'm not so fat that I can't sit in a normal-sized chair. I guess maybe it's like that feeling you have if you've been wearing a ring or some other piece of jewelry for a long time—and then when you take it off it feels like it's still there. I don't really know.