Life is Healthy

I don't know why I always do this.

Ahead of time, I plan on being in bed the day after chemo (sure) but I also imagine all the things I will get done. In particular, I always seem to think the day after chemo will be a good day to get writing done.

And it always, turns out that, in reality, I can't concentrate long enough to read a book, knit on an easy project or even answer emails with any coherence.

And I am always disappointed in myself.

I know that some women work right through chemo treatments but I am not 'some women.' I am me.

And I have to stop beating myself up about it.

And I need to learn to lower my own expectations of myself. It's just so weird to remember, when I am feeling so well and healthy most of the time, that just a few hours of treatment will make me feel this crappy.

I did manage to read (and comment on) two great posts at BlogHer today. Check them out and let me know what you think:

I Want To Like Eckhart Tolle's Work. I just Can't Get There From Here by Mata H.

Paying The Price Of Vet Care - How Much Is Too Much? by lauriewrites

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Babies born to overweight or obese women have more fat and less muscle than infants born to normal-weight moms, according to one of the first studies to compare newborns' body composition to their mothers' pre-pregnancy body mass index (BMI).



Obesity is on the rise among pregnant women, while more and more North American and European infants weigh 4,000 grams (8 pounds 13 ounces) or more at birth, Dr. David A. Fields of the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center in Oklahoma and colleagues Fields and his team note in their report in American Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology. These unusually heavy infants are more likely to grow up to be obese. Body weight alone, however, doesn't provide a clear picture of infant growth and health, the researchers add; both low and high birth weight have been tied to an increased risk of diabetes and other conditions in adulthood.

To better understand how prenatal growth might influence future health, Fields and his team used the PEA POD, a "body composition system" made by Concord, California-based Life Measurement Instruments, to measure the percentage of body fat, fat-free body mass, and total fat mass in 72 babies no older than 35 days. There was no difference in average birthweight between babies born to women with normal BMIs and those whose mothers were overweight or obese.

However, infants of the 39 overweight or obese moms had significantly higher percentages of body fat (13.6 vs. 12.5 percent), higher fat mass (448.3 grams vs. 414.1 grams), and lower fat-free mass (3,162.2 grams vs. 3,310.5 grams) than the babies born to the 33 normal-weight women, Fields and his team found.

Babies born to heavy mothers may face a greater risk of diabetes because they have less muscle mass, Fields noted in an interview. "That could be reason why these kids, probably many of them, will get diabetes, because muscle is your largest consumer of sugar," he said. "It's been very, very difficult to measure the body fat in the baby," Fields noted. Previously, doing so required using several different machines and took hours. The PEA POD can gauge body composition in five minutes, according to Life Measurement Instruments' Web site.

The machine is expensive, Fields noted, estimating that just 15 are in use worldwide. Nevertheless, he predicted that more and more hospitals will begin using them. Gauging babies' body composition at birth could provide a clearer picture of their health than weight alone, Fields added, but then the question remains as to what should be done if babies are found to have a high percentage of body fat. One possibility, Fields said, would be to encourage their mothers to breastfeed. His own research has demonstrated that formula-fed babies tend to be fatter.

Something I don’t see discussed much on weight-loss blogs is alcohol. I’m not talking about the crazy weekends or vacations in which copious amounts of umbrella drinks and garbage can free-for-alls are consumed. I’m talking about the everyday kind of drinking. A glass or two of wine with dinner, a beer after a long day, maybe a Manhattan with a maraschino cherry. What about those things?

Alcohol is a part of my life. It always has been to varying degrees. I used to do the hard stuff – vodka, Southern Comfort, Wild Turkey, schnapps of every flavor – but my last shot of tequila was in 1994 and I haven’t had the hard stuff since. These days I stick to wine.

When I joined Weight Watchers in 2005, I was prepared to give up wine in exchange for weight loss. Then when I “got it”, as in realized this was a lifestyle change and not just a diet, I learned to incorporate my wine into my daily diet. I used what some people use as food points for liquid points and it was not a sacrifice. I drank wine all the way down the scale, and I still do today. Not garbage-can copious amounts, but I like a glass or two most evenings.

What about you? Do you incorporate alcohol in your weight loss/weigh maintenance? How do you account (or not account) for it? I’m curious about this since so little is written about it. This can’t be taboo, can it!? Leave a comment or send me an email.

The key focus of the Diogenes study is to identify the most effective diet to help adults stop regaining weight after initial successful weight loss. To participate in the Diogenes study, adult family members were required to lose at least 8% of their body weight, before the whole family was admitted to the 'dietary intervention' part of the study and randomised to one of five diets. 763 participating adults were successful, losing between them a total of 8500 kg, equivalent to the weight of 4 fully grown bull elephants and 11.2kg on average for each person.

After this successful weight loss phase, 565 families (763 adults and 787 children) were randomly chosen to follow a diet either high or low in protein or high or low in glyceamic index foods. The fifth diet, the control diet, was based on the family's usual diet but with additional advice on the inclusion of healthy foods. In two centres (Copenhagen and Maastricht) supermarkets set up for the study provided families with free food for 6 months, followed by 6 months of dietary advice and support. The other 6 centres (UK, Bulgaria, Crete, Czech Republic, Germany & Spain) provided families with 6 months of dietary advice and support only. "The real target in this Diogenes research study is the prevention of weight regain after initial weight loss," states Professor Arne Astrup, from the Faculty of Life Sciences at University of Copenhagen and co-ordinator of the 8-country dietary intervention study, one of the five research lines organised by Diogenes.

"Most of us can lose weight if we set our minds to it - but we are not so good at keeping it off." Professor Astrup continues: "The data now being collated and analysed from the Diogenes study on how successful each diet has been in preventing weight regain in each country will provide clearer answers to European consumers on which diet is likely to be most successful." Professor Wim Saris, Executive Director of the entire Diogenes project concludes: "Preliminary results from the Diogenes dietary intervention study will be disclosed at the European Congress of Obesity (ECO) (14 May 2008) with results of the entire project being presented at the Diogenes satellite on 5/6 May 2009 as part of ECO."

Source: Medical news today

Wow. I really need to lay off the cake.

And where did D. learn that pose? I have a whole bunch of photos of him doing that, now.

Chemo today.

I'll probably be back online tomorrow.

It's time to celebrate your liver. It's a hard-working organ and it deserves some credit.

One of the liver's most important overall functions is maintaining nutrient homeostasis. It controls the blood level of a number of macro- and micronutrients, and attempts to keep them all at optimal levels.

Here's a list of some of the liver's functions I'm aware of:

• Buffers blood glucose by taking it up or releasing it when needed
• A major storage site for glycogen (a glucose polymer)
  
• Clears insulin from the blood
• Synthesizes triglycerides
• Secretes and absorbs lipoprotein particles ("cholesterol")
• Stores important vitamins: B12, folate, A, D, E, K (that's why it's so nutritious to eat!)
• Stores minerals: copper and iron
  
• Detoxifies the blood
• Produces ketone bodies when glucose is running low
• Secretes blood proteins
• Secretes bile
• Converts thyroid hormones
• Converts vitamin D (D3 --> 25(OH)D3)
  

As I've been learning more about the different blood markers of metabolic dysfunction, something suddenly occurred to me. Most of them reflect liver function! Elevated fasting glucose, low HDL cholesterol, high LDL cholesterol, high triglycerides and high fasting insulin all reflect (at least in part) liver function. The liver is the "Grand Central Station" of cholesterol and fatty acid metabolism, to quote Philip A. Wood from How Fat Works. It's also critical for insulin and glucose control, as I'll explain shortly. When we look at our blood lipid profile, fasting glucose, or insulin, what we're seeing is largely a snapshot of our liver function. Does no one talk about this or am I just late to the party here?!

I read a paper today from the lab of C. Ronald Kahn that really drove home the point. They created a liver-specific insulin receptor knockout (LIRKO) mouse, which is a model of severe insulin resistance in the liver. The mouse ends up developing severe whole-body insulin resistance, dramatically elevated post-meal insulin levels (20-fold!), impaired glucose tolerance, and elevated post-meal and fasting glucose. Keep in mind that this all resulted from nothing more than an insulin resistant liver.

LIRKO mice had elevated post-meal blood glucose due to the liver's unresponsiveness to insulin's command to take up sugar. Apparently the liver can dispose of one third of the glucose from a meal, turning it into glycogen and triglycerides. The elevated fasting glucose was caused by insulin not suppressing gluconeogenesis (glucose synthesis) by the liver. In other words, the liver has no way to know that there's already enough glucose in the blood so it keeps on pumping it out. This is highly relevant to diabetics because fasting hyperglycemia comes mostly from increased glucose output by the liver. This can be due to liver insulin resistance or insufficient insulin production by the pancreas.

One of the interesting things about LIRKO mice is their dramatically elevated insulin level. Their pancreases are enlarged and swollen with insulin. It's as if the pancreas is screaming at the body to pick up the slack and take up the post-meal glucose the liver isn't disposing of. The elevated insulin isn't just due to increased output by the pancreas, however. It's also due to decreased disposal by the liver. According to the paper, the liver is responsible for 75% of insulin clearance from the blood in mice. The hyperinsulinemia they observed was both due to increased secretion and decreased clearance. Interestingly, they noted no decline in beta cell (the cells that secrete insulin) function even under such a high load.

Something that's interesting to note about these mice is they have very low blood triglyceride. It makes sense since insulin is what tells the liver to produce it. Could this have something to do with their lack of beta cell dysfunction?

The really strange thing about LIRKO mice is that their blood glucose becomes more normal with age. Strange until you see the reason: their livers are degenerating so they can't keep up glucose production!

LIRKO mice reproduce many of the characteristics of type II diabetes, without degenerating completely into beta cell death. So insulin resistance in the liver appears to reproduce some elements of diabetes and the metabolic syndrome, but the full-blown disorders require other tissues as well. As a side note, this group also has a skeletal muscle-specific insulin receptor knockout which is basically normal. Interesting considering muscle tissue seems to be one of the first tissues to become insulin resistant during diabetes onset.

So if you want to end up like your good pal LIRKO, remember to drink high-fructose corn syrup with every meal! You'll have fatty liver and insulin resistance in no time!

I have a lot more to say about the liver, but I'll continue it in another post.

Yesterday, we had my young son's birthday party at the noisiest place on earth.

Why? Because we love him and that is what he really, really wanted.

I cannot express how wiped out we all were when it was over.

But as I was towelling D. off after his bath last night (and boy did he need it. We all did!), I asked him if his birthday party had been everything he'd hoped for.

He nodded vigorously.

And then he said, "Actually, it was even better!"

So, I'd have to say that it was worth it.

And that I would do it again.

But I am really, really glad that birthdays come only once a year.

Cari Hartman has lost 123 pounds. She is being featured on the Today Show this morning. She lost the weight, not by going on a diet, and not by counting calories, but by making a complete lifestyle change. She joined a fitness center, quit fast food, quit drinking tons of Diet Cokes each day and started eating real meals and taking her lunch to work.

See her inspirational weight loss story here.

The photo of a portable lunch is by moira.

Quick Post:

I just finished reading "Blood Sugar 101" by Jenny Ruhl. It's a quick read, and very informative. Ruhl is a diabetic who has taken treatment into her own hands, using the scientific literature and her blood glucose monitor to understand blood sugar control and its relationship to health. The book challenges some commonly held ideas about diabetes, such as the notion that diabetics always deteriorate.

She begins by explaining in detail how blood glucose is controlled by the body. The pancreas releases basal amounts of insulin to make glucose available to tissues between meals. It also releases insulin in response to carbohydrate intake (primarily) in two bursts, phase I and phase II. Phase I is a rapid response that causes tissues to absorb most of the glucose from a meal, and is released in proportion to the amount of carbohydrate in preceding meals. Phase II cleans up what's left.

In a person with a healthy pancreas, insulin secretion will keep blood glucose under about 130 mg/dL even under a heavy carbohydrate load. The implications of this are really interesting. Namely, that blood glucose levels will not be very different between a person who eats little carbohydrate, and one who eats a lot, as long as the latter has a burly pancreas and insulin-sensitive tissues.

Most Americans don't have such good control however, hence the usefulness of low-carbohydrate diets. This begs the question of why we lose blood sugar control. Insulin resistance seems like a good candidate, maybe preceded by leptin resistance. As you may have noticed, I'm starting to think the carbohydrate per se is not the primary insult. It's probably something else about the diet or lifestyle that causes carbohydrate insensitivity. Grain lectins are a good candidate in my opinion, as well as inactivity.

Diabetics can have blood glucose up to 500 mg/dL, that remains elevated long after it would have returned to baseline in a healthy person. Ruhl asserts that elevated blood sugar is toxic, and causes not only diabetic complications but perhaps also cancer and heart disease.

Heart attack incidence is strongly associated with A1C level, which is a rough measure of average blood sugar over the past couple of months. It makes sense, although most of the data she cites is correlative. They might have seen the same relationship if they had compared heart attack risk to fasting insulin level or insulin resistance. It's difficult to nail down blood sugar as the causative agent. More information from animal studies would have been helpful.

Probably the most important thing I took from the book is that the first thing to deteriorate is glucose tolerance, or the ability to pack post-meal glucose into the tissues. It's often a result of insulin resistance, although autoimmune processes seem to be a factor for some people. Doctors often use fasting glucose to diagnose diabetes and pre-diabetes, but typically you are far gone by the time your fasting glucose is elevated!

I like that she advocates a low-carbohydrate diet for diabetics, and lambasts the ADA for its continued support of high-carbohydrate diets.

Overall, a good book. I recommend it!

"There is a light at the end of the tunnel... hopefully its not a freight train!" ~ Mariah Carey

Wednesday, April 16th

My friend K., S. and I set out reasonably early (thanks to K. arriving at the hotel with good, strong coffee) to visit the Tower of London on Wednesday morning. I had skipped it on previous visits to London in favour of less touristy destinations but S. provided me with the excuse to make this historic site a priority (K. had been before but she happily joined us).

We took a little tour and did some wandering around on our own. The Bloody Tower and the Crown Jewels (which we visited twice!) made the biggest impression. I am never sure, on these occasions, how much my son is taking in. But yesterday, I was in his class for knitting club and the kids were asking about our visit to London and the Tower, in particular. One of the kids asked, "Which king was it who had his nephews killed?". I couldn't remember. But S. replied, without missing a beat, "Richard the Third."

I checked. He's right.

After a couple of hours at the Tower, the three of us found a heated patio where we could have lunch outside. Then we reluctantly said goodbye to K., who needed to return home to work and family. The visit went by so quickly!

S. and I were both sad to see her go but he perked up pretty quickly when I offered to take him shopping (back to Oxford Street) for cds (he had some cash from Grammy and Granddad to spend and he was pretty keen to do so. After he had managed to procure a Rolling Stones DVD set and some Doctor Who audio cds (read by David Tennant, the good Doctor, in his most recent incarnation) and I had found a Spike Milligan compilation for T., a very happy boy and I met Grandpa at the Statue of Anteros.

After we all had dinner, Grandpa took us to see the Thirty-Nine Steps (a comical adaptation of the Hitchcock movie, itself based on the novel by one-time Canadian Governor-General John Buchan). I love live theatre and it was a real joy to see S. get swept up. In fact, in a week full of wonderful experiences, S. consistently says that the play was his absolute favourite.

Thursday, April 17th

Thursday was the day we had set aside for the Doctor Who Exhibition. Expectations were very, very high as we arrived at Earl's Court but I have to say that they were met and perhaps exceeded.

I enjoyed myself far more than I might have without my excellent tour guide (the young S.), whose detailed knowledge of every episode of Doctor Who since the series was revived in 2005 is truly impressive.

That afternoon, it was time for something a little more highbrow. S. wanted to go to an art gallery and, based on Grandpa's recommendation, we chose to visit the National Portrait Gallery. I highly recommend this gallery, as much as a lesson in history as for the beautiful artwork. I especially loved the portraits of Mary Wollstonecraft (an early feminist, she wrote The Vindication of the Rights of Women in 1792) her daughter Mary Shelley (who wrote Frankenstein) and Lord Byron (check out the portrait. Doesn't it explain both his reputation and why he made women swoon?).

The Karsh collection is also truly wonderful (especially the famous photo of Winston Churchill, taken just after Karsh had yanked a cigar from out of the Churchill's mouth). It was also neat to see the photo of John Buchan, since we'd just seen the theatrical adaptation of his novel the previous evening.

S. and I both also enjoyed the Vanity Fair Portraits. We disagreed over the amount of time we wanted to spend in front of each portrait (a couple of minutes versus ten seconds or so) but he waited for me with tremendous patience. I was very proud of him.

One of the best things about travelling with S. is that we were both quite content to wrap our day up in late afternoon and head back to the hotel to lounge around for the evening.

And so we did.

Dieting web sites and dieting plans are so successful that it's almost a given that anybody can find the perfect free dieting scheme on the internet. Free diet plans are, well, free - you don't pay anything upfront. But many people don’t trust them having a good reason. The famed "cabbage soup diet" or the "3 days diet" are just two random examples of diet plans that will never work and can even

The Mediterranean diet is surely one of the hottest things you can try today as any hardcore dieter can tell you. It seems to be quite easy to follow being a lot less restrictive than other diet plans and wine consumption is actually encouraged (with moderation, of course, what did you think?)A lot of people both medical professionals, nutritionists and dieters seem to believe that this is the

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Can we talk about couscous for a second? (Whole wheat, of course.) It is one of my favorite foods in the world. It’s on my list of comfort foods.

Some nights (like tonight!), all I want are peppers, zucchini, mushrooms, onions, garlic and spinach sautéed in a little oil or just in cooking spray, sprinkled with a dash of balsamic vinegar and about a half-teaspoon of basil (or use 1 T of fresh basil if you’ve got it. Totally makes the meal). I throw in a few grape tomatoes at the end along with ¼ C of vegetable broth (you can use meat-based broth if you prefer) and 2 T of couscous, stir it up, and let it sit for five minutes. I know most couscous boxes say that ¼ to 1/3 cup is a serving, but seriously, that’s a LOT of couscous. Two tablespoons seems to be more than enough.

I want your couscous recipes! I especially like the ones that call for veggies so I can make it a meal. If you’ve got some, please share. Post them in a comment or send me an email.

Below is one of my favorite couscous recipes. It’s from the Weight Watchers site. I skip the raisins (gag me) and I often substitute carrots for the frozen peas. WW says it serves four, but I easily get six servings out of it.

I think we need to discuss brown rice soon, too. For a woman who hasn’t had her period in 15 months, I’m sure craving carbs this weekend. Hmm….. Could it be I’ll finally be a woman again soon? One can only hope.

Orange-Scented Couscous

1 1/4 cup orange juice
1/2 cup golden seedless raisins
3/4 tsp table salt
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/4 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/8 tsp ground cinnamon
1 cup uncooked couscous
1 tsp olive oil
1 medium onion(s), chopped
2 medium garlic clove(s), minced
2 small zucchini, cut into 1/2-inch (1.25cm) wedges
1/2 cup frozen green peas, thawed
2 Tbsp slivered almonds
1 tsp orange zest, grated

In a medium saucepan, combine orange juice, raisins, 1/2 tsp salt, the cumin, ginger, 1/8 tsp pepper and the cinnamon. Bring to a boil.
Add couscous and stir. Cover, remove from heat and let stand 5 minutes.
Meanwhile, in a large nonstick skillet, heat oil. Sauté onion and garlic until they begin to soften, about 2 minutes.
Add zucchini and cook until vegetables begin to brown, about 3 minutes.
Stir in peas, almonds and remaining salt and pepper. Heat to serving temperature, about 1 minute.
Transfer couscous to a bowl and fluff with fork. Add vegetables and orange zest. Toss to combine.

Well my week is over - and very tiring it was too!!! hehehe

Over the past week, we managed to do a lot of theatre, presentations, peotry, singing, dancing, karaoke, quiemada, party and on top of ALL that I had to be an Anglo too!!!
But it was alot of fun. The Spaniards again came wanting to get as much from the program as they could and I really hope they did.

I noticed this week - maybe because the sun and summer is coming, that the holiday attitude is creeping in from some of the Anglo's - I need to ensure this doesn't get in the way of the program, I am going to work on conversation topics - so there is no excuse to be unable to speak about something.

Highlights for me:-
"What a Nightmare" sketch - awesome job guys!
The photos are wonderful of Mr Saturday Night Fever ;) ,
the Sevillanas dancing,
Fransisco's drunk sketch
and the confidence which you ALL gained - congratulations !!!!!

Dylan never got to leave the case this week which I think saddened him, there was simply no time to him to act :'( (must make more time)

Anyway well done to you all and the time we shared can be remembered by clicking the folder below

Vaughan Town - Gredos - Program 78

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Tuesday, April 15th

My friend K. flew all the way from Holland to be with us! We were college room-mates almost twenty-four years ago and became close friends within minutes of meeting (I have very fond memories of being silly together and confiding in each other. She also went to great lengths to help me get over a broken heart. Our adventures included her taking me out on a sail boat so I could scream far away from human ears and to Vancouver, where we stayed at a seedy hotel and pretended we were all grown up).

We'd met up only three times since she graduated. She came to my home town for a few days that first summer and back to visit a couple of years later. Then we lost touch until 2005, when she came to Montreal for a conference and I took the train to meet her for dinner out and a pajama party. Every time we've re-connected, we've picked up the thread of our friendship as though it had never been dropped.

K. is a doctor now, with two beautiful daughters and a spouse who sounds like a great guy. We had a fantastic time together, talking, laughing and playing tourists in London.

That Tuesday morning, S. and I met K. at her hotel, which was just around the corner from ours. It was a beautiful day, so we decided to walk through Kensington Gardens towards Buckingham Palace, stopping for lunch on the way. We hung for a while outside the palace, went into the palace shop to get some souvenir baubles and then toured the Royal Mews. I have to admit that I would have skipped the mews if it weren't for K.'s suggestion that we go. And it really was fun. We saw the queen's horses,


and carriages (the most impressive of which was the one last used for the coronation in 1953).


I am not a monarchist but I was fascinated by the palace and its trappings. It's hard to imagine that these things and all that staff (most of whom actually live in flats on the palace grounds or in the mews themselves) actually belong to real people. How bizarre.

Once we were done with the palace, we crossed the street to buy a teapot. I know this is very cliche of me but this will be my third from this particular London store (the previous two were broken. I bought the first when I first went to London in 2000 and the second was a chemo present I ordered through the mail) and that use a particular kind of filter for loose tea. The three of us decided that I should spurn the more tasteful teapot for it's more garish counterpart.




Teapot in hand, we made our way back to the hotel, where we had curry, dessert and wine, courtesy of Marks and Spencer.

I did a total cardio day today. I like to do that from time to time‚ it helps break the intensity. I walked on the track for 40 minutes, doing stairs every three laps. My butt is killing me. Then I did the elliptical for 30 minutes. I think it was OK. I want to jump rope, but sometimes I feel a little intimidated. I'm OK at it right now, but I know I've been much better. But the only way to improve is practice. So, what am I waiting for? I could practice at home, but that makes too much sense. And then what would I have to complain about?

I went to a presentation today by a prominent hypertension researcher. His talk began with a slide that had two pictures side-by-side: one of the late fitness advocate Jim Fixx, and the other of Winston Churchill. Fixx was a marathon runner, while Churchill was inactive, overweight and had a famous appetite. Fixx died of a sudden heart attack at 52, while Churchill lived to 90. The presenter went on to state that this is an example of how genes control CVD risk, implying that despite Fixx's exemplary lifestyle, his genes had condemned him to an early death.

I wanted to jump up and yell "I think you're leaving out the alternate hypothesis: running marathons and stuffing yourself with grains isn't healthy!" But instead I suffered quietly through what ended up being an inane yet informative presentation.

His lab looks for gene variations that affect blood pressure (BP). There's a huge amount of money and research going into this. His lab and others have come up with two classes of mutations:

• Common allele variants that have an insignificant but measurable effect on blood pressure.
• Rare genetic mutations that have a significant effect on BP. The most common affects 1 in 2,000 people in the US.

I have a new picture of myself that I posted in the "About Me" area. What do you think? I don't have a full body shot yet, but I'll get one. Do I look almost 50?

I can't believe it but I am still jet-lagged. I have been in bed by nine every night this week and I could be sleeping the day away as well, if I'd let myself.

It was a really great week, though, and totally worth it. For those who've been asking, here is a more detailed account of how we spent our days:

Sunday, April 13th

We arrived in London early in the morning (but two hours later than scheduled) and took the Heathrow Express to Paddington Station and walked the two minutes to our hotel.

Happily, we were able to check in early and our room was a pleasant surprise (other than the overwhelming smell of bleach). It was much bigger than I had expected, and bright, with windows that opened and laminate flooring instead of carpet.

We both crashed for a couple of hours (and I witnessed my son sleep-walking for the first time that I can remember) and then set out to meet my father-in-law who was in town on business. We had a late lunch and strolled from Regent's Park to Oxford Street where we went to Hamley's (truly the most marvelous toy store I have ever visited).

That night, we had Indian curry at a little hole in the wall that was a favourite haunt of Ghandi's when he was a law student. We got home on the tube (after a couple of false starts), despite the fact that we were both hysterical with exhaustion.

Monday, April 14th

We took the a double decker bus from Paddington to St. Paul's Cathedral (a lovely way to get a better sense of Central London).

We walked across the Thames to the waterfront (I couldn't convince S. to get on the London Eye) and toured the Movieum (movies are my son's latest obsession). At twenty pounds for both of us (I had to stop converting to Canadian dollars every time I paid for something. London is expensive), this place this place was a bit of a rip off. Some neat stuff from sets but far two many cardboard cut outs and movie posters.

S. loved it, though.



I thought the animation wing was the best thing, with a comic book illustrator at work in his studio, taking time out to give lessons to the kids who dropped by. We both thought that was pretty cool.

After the Movieum, we went to the movies. After watching the Rolling Stones do their thing (and directed by Martin Scorsese) on a giant screen, I now, finally understand their appeal.

After the credits rolled, we headed home (on the tube again, we didn't take a taxi once the whole week), after stopping to pick up dinner at Marks and Spencer Simply Food (we did this almost every night. S. loved it. We would walk into the store and I would say, "Pick yourself some dinner." We would each get what we wanted, with dessert for him and wine for me and take it back to the hotel to heat up and eat).

S. did some impressive air guitar back in our hotel that evening.

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Today's' workout was mild compared to the workouts of the last couple of weeks. I used to think this particular aerobics instructor was the most difficult. But I have since changed my mind. Karen, the regular instructor, has changed her workout so much that it's like boot camp. Ali's workout is nothing compared to what I've been going through. But it was a nice break. I feel refreshed today rather than completely beaten up.

I had an appointment with my oncologist today.

When we arrived at the cancer centre there was a line-up for the registration desk, which appeared to be staffed by someone who was new at the job (I actually muttered to the woman behind me,"It looks like they have the B team on today." Don't judge me. The cancer centre makes me cranky). I stood in line for twenty minutes, only to be informed that my oncologist was running an hour behind.

The waiting room was absolutely packed with grumpy people. At one point, I turned to T. and said, "I loathe this place. I don't just dislike it a little. I really and truly loathe it."

Then I saw my oncologist. It was a very strange appointment. I had no concerns about my health to discuss and neither did he. He told me that I look great. We chatted about our families. He also said that it's silly that I have to come into the cancer centre and wait around for him when we have nothing to talk about. He asked me if I wanted to start doing my appointments over the phone.

I jumped all over that offer.

I still need to go and see him in person every three months or so ("when it's convenient" or when I feel the need to see him). I will continue to have regular tests and scans and to have treatment once a month. But no more waiting for hours to see the oncologist, "just to say hello."

I love that man (and so does my spouse. I am so glad that he was there with me today because my oncologist is so reassuring. I think it might have freaked him out a little if I had come home today and announced, "I don't have to go and see Dr. G. in person any more!").

Dr. G. mentioned again today that cancer is a chronic illness ("like diabetes") that needs to be monitored, treated and managed over the long term. If we see any spots, we will deal with them. And when we need to, we will begin a more aggressive course of treatment.

He also said that there are so many new drugs to treat cancer now that he can barely keep track of them all. He also said that "it's a very exciting time."

This really does make me very hopeful. I am very glad to know that when the time comes to ramp things up again I will have so many options. And that a doctor who is smart, compassionate and really good at his job will be helping me to make treatment choices.

But until that time comes, I am very happy to just phone in my appointments.

Todays' workout was OK. I haven't jumped rope in a few days. I bought one to use at home but haven't done it yet. I need to start jumping rope in the evening, even if I only do it for five minutes. I'm so tired by the time I get home. Maybe a little activity would rev me up.

Every day should be Earth Day and World Water Day. Global is also local.

For my darling D., on his fifth birthday:

You crawled into my bed this morning, and as you cuddled up with me, I lay there remembering the day you were born.

You came into the world in a real hurry (less than an hour of hard labour) and I remember your plump little body, your lusty cries and the pride on your father's face. When our midwife told us we had a little boy (a surprise, as you were uncooperative during the ultrasound), we knew right away that you would be our D. Your name is one I have loved since I was a little girl but the deal was sealed when S. declared it the perfect choice for his little brother.

We had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days (your little lungs experienced a bit of shock at the rapidity with which you came into the world). I remember how much I missed your big brother (this was during the height of the SARS crisis and only Papa was allowed to visit) but I treasured those first days alone with my new baby.

We had a fabulous maternity leave together (and I lost 48 pounds between your nursing and all the walking I did with you in the stroller). You were, from your first days, the social, engaged, loving, headstrong, mercurial child that you are today.

You are smart, funny, enormously charismatic, and full of wonderful insight into the world around you. It is a privilege to be your mother.

And to quote your own words back at you, "I love you as much as all the days."

More.




Cross-posted to Mommybloggers.