Life is Healthy

Here is a brief overview of my life with my ex and daughter. My daughter and I had a wonderful relationship; I say HAD because I no longer get access to her. I have no contact, no address, no access and no rights - after 9 years of raising a daughter I have nothing, is that right?!

Anyway, I met my ex way back in '96 (I think) it was a long time ago. Eitherway she was a young girl very beautiful to me and I could see a lot of potential in her.
She was a Jehovahs Witness for years and just before meeting me had renounced it, when he parents found out she was with me and didnt want to follow thier beliefs they kicked her out into the street.

So whats a guy to do, I moved her in with me. It was nice at first but I had to deal with alot, police, her parents, trying to move to a better area etc.
Then she got pregnant but sadly we lost the baby! We moved out of Leicester to Telford at this point. We decided we really wanted a baby - so we tried again, and later that year she gave birth to my daughter CHINA! and yes she truely was precious.

We had moved back to Leicester as Telford wasn't working out for either of us really and she thought her family would help more now we had China. (mistake number 1)!
Back in Leicester, I was alone and working my ass off to make our lives better, at one point working four jobs. I was now a qualified Fitness Instructor / Personal Trainer, so I was starting to look good too :)

We decided (against my better judgement) to get married - then after spending a small fortune and making lots of cut backs and compromises; she had an affair with her boss, I caught them and we split up.

When I got someone suddenly she wanted me back, now still loving her and missing China I agreed to try again (mistake number 2). So they moved in with me in my flat, but one day I returned home to find my flat empty - her and her sister had taken everything from the flat and put it into her house!?! So much for trust - I had apparently slept with someone I didn't!
But I had attempted to kiss one of her friends; which WAS wrong (mistake number 3).

So again we split - we finally got back together after 6 months or so, and stayed together for several years - all in all we were together (on and off for 9 years), in which time I never raised a finger to her, I was a great father to China and did all I could to make life better for us all - ok things weren't perfect, but they were much better than almost anyone else's around us, we had a nice enough home and money to live.

She was working some strange jobs - Gentlemens bars and Uni bars, but I didnt stop her, only encouraged her to make the best of the situation and gain as much experience as she could. Obviously knowing she got flirted with and I'm sure flirted back lots; but I had to trust her!
(mistake number 4) - she soon started getting ideas about dancing but that I wasn't keen on.

Anyway the day before Mothers Day she arrived home at 4am crying, I awoke and asked her whats wrong - thinking she had been attacked!?! She then told me she didnt love me and loved someone else.
I was deverstated! - (their relationship didnt last more than weeks, so much for love!)

She told me I had to leave; now at this point I had no one and no where to go, no money or job as I was doing magic as a living.
After several hours of pleading with her, she allowed me to stay on in the house and she stayed with friends for a while - this took about 2 weeks to try to get myself sorted, but I couldnt no matter what I did nothing would come together.

We had blazing rows constantly and eventually I had to leave the house and move forward - I spent sometime living rough but that was never going to work, I got very low and contemplated leaving this world, but I didn't as I decided China needed her dad!
I fought daily to see China and maybe once a fortnight got to - unless I bumped into them unexpectedly.

After a few months I had gotten on my feet with work and housing - with no help from anyone; thank you social security! - actually not true, a magician friend of mine did help, which stopped me living on the streets; thanks Dave!!

I got a place very close so I could see China, but that didn't happen - my ex wanted me GONE; out of sight out of mind - actually I think she felt guilty. As I never got to see China and only got hassle from my ex I left Leicester and moved to London with Carrie an awfully sweet girl who I simply couldn't love after such hurt; and she desevered to be happy and loved.
I continued to try to fight to get access to China, but to no avail, I managed to see her once!

I moved again this time to Spain - work was good, living was nice - but I was incomplete still no access to China, I sent emails, txt's even called but ignored constantly, my ex at this point seemed to hate me even more - like I had ever done anything to deserve it!?
my life had improved hers had stayed still - my fault??!!

She demanded money constantly, and insisted I maintain her life?!! WTF! sorry but I dont think so. I refused to send her money - but agreed to buy what China needed, not good enough!
I asked for her to come here (to Spain, for holidays), left money for a passport and even happily paid for the tickets, but again no joy.
So I went back to England for a week over the Xmas period - what a waste of time, I got 4 hours with China the day before xmas eve - after buying her presents I was no longer needed and again I got a load of shit from my ex and several threats.

So I decided that this year I would not be returning to England and that China would have to come here, that didn't happen - but she did go to France so it seems!!??

My ex now informs me she is getting married - good fucking luck this time!
She claims she is happy, wonderful!
But to top it all she tells me that her new fella is going to adopt China and change her name! FUCKING WONDERFUL!!!!!!!
No matter what I do, did or have done it makes no difference because in this fucked up world I dont matter!

I have all the responsibilites and no rights - the law needs to wake the fuck up!
IT is killing families more than individuals are!

So in the 2 years we have been apart I have seen my daughter twice - which you could argue is my fault for being here, but I had to be here as being in England and not seeing her was even harder, at least here I have an excuse!

Whilst here I have met Sandra a wonderful Spanish girl, but still issues about letting go and loving someone 100% - cheers for that, not letting me trust anyone anymore!

Well maybe no matter how hard I try I simply can't change things?
So after taking my dignity, my home, my daughter, denying me access, you now want to remove my name from her life too!? Thank you - DNA next!?.

I look forward to her being 16 and hope that someday she will come to me or I will come find her, without your intervention, as I cant and wont keep being hurt because of the past. I'm done!!!
You will not turn me into a bad guy, no matter how much you try!

Carrie is planning to do the 3 peaks challenge, no mean feat! (not feet, they ARE mean!)
But if you feel like sponsoring her or simply checking out her progress simply follow this link http://3csconquer3peaks.blogspot.com/

Also I was asked whats happening with me (personally), well, I'm due to move into Sandra's soon then we will get a place of our own, but not in Madrid very expensive and when she has to quit work it will be too much for one wage! The cost of living is ridiculous nowadays - I remember when... ... (cue Hovis music).

To be honest I'm still working hard, and playing as hard, Sandra has had her first scan, and it would appear she is having a pitufo (smurf)!? Although she is getting a very cute pot belly.
The morning sickness appears to have stopped although the mere mention of Baked Beans (English Beans, to her) and shes off again.

Erm I also seem to have gained a few pounds :-S
Waiting VERY patiently for MGS4 (only 8 days left), not allot else to say, I guess!

After looking at the analysis on what some people looked on search engines for most was to loose weight. I am a qualified personal trainer however the advice I'm about to offer bears no relation to this fact, these are personal opinions mixed with facts.

If you want to loose weight quickly there is NO way to do this properly or safely!
However here are some suggestions:

1. Split up with the person you love - almost guaranteed to loose weight!
2. Stop eating junk food - guaranteed to loose weight!
3. Chop off a limb - guaranteed to make you lighter - the bigger the limb the lighter you are ;)
4. Do as Carrie did - pierce your tongue
5. Take Hoodia - a plant (now in tablet form) that suppresses hunger - not recommended!!!

Above all: LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF - this is key to almost everything ;)

Well as you can see I have updated my site completely.

It now has a new look, new playlist, new address and hopefully many new stories to come. I have enjoyed sharing the blog with Carrie who has finally headed off back to New Zealand although she is hoping to return to the UK once visa issues have been resolved: fingers crossed for her!

As for me I have had yet another two weeks off - so what to do!? Well I wrote and rewrote some scripts, and now need to test them to see how they work, also I have invested in a new friend details to come - needless to say I am looking forward to getting to know them and spend alot of time with my hand up up their ass! It's a puppet!!! boy you so rude!

Anyway hope you like the new improved site - any comments feel free to post ;)

Well I have finally moved!

Been in my new place a week now, and it's great!
It's closer to work, I've a leisurely walk to the high street for my bus in the mornings (and so far every morning has been sunny - though i am tempting fate saying that!) and i don't even need to catch a bus to the restaurant anymore.
It's in a quiet suburban street, with NO football stadium within hearing distance!
The river is a short walk to my right, the high street a short walk to my left, with lots of pleasant bars with waterfront views.
The house mates aren't unemployed party animals, though I haven't even met one of them yet.
There is TV, though having not had it for 8months I sort of out of the habit of watching it at home!
There is a kitchen, AND a living room, plus, added bonus - there is a garden AND a BBQ! A flat warming BBQ soon me thinks!

I imagined that once I had moved, into this far more tranquil house, that my life would calm down and things would be far less hectic and stressful, given I would NEED to go out to avoid spending time at home - not sure where I got that thought from though, as since I moved I have only been home once before 10pm (and one night it was even past 3am!)...

hmmm I guess I just like my life that way...

That was the comment from my Mum in New Zealand last week when she found out I had lost my voice (again!)…

"It’s not meant to be winter, no, but it's definetly not summer…"
I replied...

Just to prove my point, here's a comparison of the weather at the moment

AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND (current season = winter!)


LONDON, ENGLAND (current season = summer, supposedly!)


Though that rain cloud does not really do the current weather situation here justice!

For a better idea here are a few pictures taken last Friday as torrential rain and flash floods across the country left streets under water after nearly a month's rain fell in a few hours.




For a more detailed report see here…

Now what’s really ironic is that Andy choose Friday to come back from Spain…

Now Andy, if you’d stayed there, this is what you’d be experiencing today…

MADRID, SPAIN

As most of you know, I am always up for trying new things... Well last weekend was my weekend of culture...

Friday night I attended a Céilidh (Scottish dance pronounced K-LEE) with my mate Harry and some of his friends - I didn't really have a choice in the matter - a few weeks earlier I'd missed a call from Harry, in fact I'd missed 2 calls from Harry, the first asking is I wanted to go to the Ceilidh, the second, about half an hour later saying, since I hadn't replied to the first call I WAS going to the Ceilidh as he'd already bought the tickets - so that was that! Now don't get me wrong about my mates, Harry is not the typical Ceilidh attending type, but friends of his are getting married soon, and she's Scottish, and having a Ceilidh at their reception so she wanted to make sure everyone knew what they were doing - especially the groom! It was lots of fun though, not to mention a rather good work out!! How the Scottish manage to drink as much as they do AND dance like that is beyond me! I think I only managed a couple of glasses of wine because the dancing was far too energetic to be drinking at the same time! Not to mention all the spinning involved wouldn't have mixed well with a head full of alcohol! A 'different' way to spend a Friday night!


Monday night, was opening night of another friend's play Intimacy, playing as part of the Abbey Fest 2007. It was a Jean Paul Satre story adapted for the theatre and was great!
"Two young women with turbulent love lives, a white sheet, two chairs, atable….and let INTIMACY begin…A penetrating, very funny study oflove, friendship, jealousy and betrayal. "IMPOTENCE. What abeautiful word that is. My friend Rirette thinks the most beautiful wordin the language is HAPPINESS. Rubbish. For my money, its im-po-tence." Susy and her friend were the only two actors and the set held only a piano which at times was used as a bed, a taxi and a cafe table. I was definetly glad I made the effort to get there. They did themselves proud and I hope that they had a successful week as they were self funding the production themselves and she was so excited about it all.

A while back I mentioned, albeit very briefly, that I was going to be attending the filming of a music video...

Well I think I forgot to write much more about it after that, but basically my friend Janine from work had managed to get free tickets for the privilege to be part of a live audience for the filming of the new Roisin Murphy music video 'Overpowered' (formerly of Moloko fame).

It was a, hmmm, long evening, which I did find mildly interesting, working in the tv industry and all, but even I had to admit that screaming, cheering and looking 'really enthusiastic' whilst listening to the same song for a period of about three hours did start to wear a little thin.... Well, when the video came out maybe it'd all be worth it.... we thought optimistically as we left that evening....

Well the video has finally been released... Take a look for yourself and see if you can spot us...


Music Videos - Overpowered

Do you think our three hours of pain gained us any fame?

You may have read in my previous posts that through work from time to time we get taken out to lunch or invited to various events and things by different media companies that we deal with! Being an opportunist, socialite, and generally up for anything, I generally jump at every opportunity we get. And this week, that’s literally what we did – JUMP!

Wednesday evening, we were picked up from work, taken to meet a luxury tour coach (and by luxury, I mean think rock star style – with TVs, leather seats, a bar, kitchenette, and circle couch at the back!) watered and fed and taken here…

And what a blast! It was like being a bird, a plane, and superman! All at the same time!!! I absolutely loved it, and even got the hang of it quite quickly – receiving cheers from the group and ‘Awesome Flying’ marked on my certificate! I was amazed though by the amount of effort needed just to hold your arms and legs in the correct position and surprised that it felt like I’d done a workout afterwards, with various muscles in shoulders, arms, back and butt aching the next day! We are meant to be getting a DVD of us flying, so when I do I’ll try upload some of it so watch this space!

Oh, life in the media is so hard…

Last weekend was the annual world famous Henley Royal Regatta, where both the elite of rowing and society itself, descend on Henley-on-Thames for a week of racing, Pimms, strawberry scones in true English tradition. Over the years the event has grown somewhat, and these days joining the true ‘posh’ are those who would like to think they are posh as well as anyone else in the general area up for a good time and A LOT of alcohol! www.henleyregatta.com

Each year I work at the Regatta, for the last two running a private party marquee for 1500+ people. It’s great fun, and a break from the norm, but long long hours (I did 45 hours on top of my normal 'day' job last week though the pay packet afterwards and the people are worth it!). This year I also came away with quite a few dozen beer that people seemed to not have time to drink in the twelve hours they were there, nor could be bothered to lug back home with them! (The marquee is BYO).

Apart from loving the event’s atmosphere, being beside the river, and this weekend, the rare appearance of the British sun! I also find it highly amusing observing the deterioration of ‘poshness’ in direct relation to consumption of alcohol. Its incredible how the effect alcohol has on people doesn’t change regardless of the class of society they are in! Sometimes I think its even more amusing to see drunk posh people slurring their accents, falling off their high heeled shoes and generally in a state of dishevel!

(nb: no offence is meant by this post to any ‘posh’ readers of this blog – they are purely the observations of a small country girl no often exposed to the elite of society!)

Wow! What a hectic week or so I've just had. This is the first time I've had a moment to get online really since my last post (admittedly not helped by the fact I still have two computers sitting broken in my room!)! I realised tonight that it must have been over a week ago now that I last posted since Dade has managed to post TWO posts in the interim!

Well, so as you all actually get the end of my post, and find out all what I've been up to I'll try to keep this short and sweet - Dade I think I need to take some lessons from you on summarising - how you manage to capture all the going ons and feelings of each week into such short posts always amazes me!

Anyway, I've already rambled away for two paragraphs and still not really said anything - see what I mean!!

Last weekend amazingly I was only rostered to work Sunday day at the restaurant, so Ellen jumped at the opportunity to see me and organised my whole Saturday for me! Firstly we spent the afternoon at a BBQ, which I found out when we got there was for someone who I vaguely knew's 40th - I didn't even know I had friends turning 40! I mean I remember being at my parents' 40ths!

We then spent the evening in Windsor, drinking wine, and enjoying a good comedy preview of what's in store up at the Edinburgh Festival this year - enjoyed it so much Ellen and I started thinking about maybe taking a trip up there this year - Shame Chris and Alice will be in NZ at the time!

At work our holiday year ends on 30th June, and I still had two holiday days to take, so I decided to use them constructively - I always feel like I am wasting holidays if I'm not actually doing something! So Tuesday and Wednesday saw me down in the Surrey countryside learning how to dive - yes you read that right - DIVE! Surrey, an odd place to learn I admit, but I found this dive school down there who were offering the PADI Open Water Diver referral course at a really cheap rate for mid week dates - when I got down there I discovered I'd really hit the jackpot as the others booked on the course had cancelled so I actually had the instructor all to myself! The referral course means I did all my theory and confined water components of the course and now just have my 4 qualifying open water dives still to do. I was planning on waiting and doing them overseas somewhere hot later in the year, but I enjoyed the course so much I don't think I want to wait to long before finishing it, so watch this space! All those of you who have your PADIs start dusting off your dive gear! Those who don't yet - get booked and learn! It's great fun (not to mention a good work out without even noticing it at the time!).

Wednesday night I tried to go see Shrek 3 with my mate Dave, but we turned up a day early, as it was officially opening in cinemas on the Thursday! So, since we were at the cinema anyway we saw The Fantastic Four instead. I enjoyed it considering I had no expectations of it since I didn't know I was going to see it! We followed it up at our favourite half price curry house - if you are ever in the Hampton area of London it's definitely worth a taste!

Thursday was back to work - and what a hard day back at work it was - including a long boozy lunch, a massage and then celebratory drinks after work as my boss is off for all of July, getting married and on her honeymoon. Understandably Friday was rather quiet in the office!

Friday night, Janine and I had a lovely girls night out in Clapham - cocktails then dinner and wine for £15 (thanks to a TheLondonPaper offer) - although by the time we had all the cocktails, desserts and supplement charges the evening did admittedly cost us a bit more than £15, but it was a great night out and that's the important thing!

Have worked both days this weekend, although haven't minded since the weather has been really bad - still! - NZ are basically having the same weather as us at the moment - which is pretty sad really considering it really is winter over there!! Fingers crossed it improves over here this week as I am down working at the Henley Royal Regatta next weekend and don't really fancy traipsing around knee deep in mud! Although seeing all the 'posh' regatta goers sinking on their high heels is always a good laugh!...

How would you like to be paid €60,000 euros to go into isolation with 12 others for 17 months?!!?!

The European Space agency are looking for volunteers to spend 500 days in an isolation chamber to simulate a trip to Mars, to study the effect the boredom of it would have on people...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6221594.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/6221424.stm

Though might get my book written if i did.... hmmm

YAY! I've found myself a new place to live! Sorted out all the details tonight and I move at the start of August. I'm moving into Chiswick, so closer to both my jobs by about 15mins. And the place have a garden which will be wicked for summer.
Definitely had a better feeling about it than where I am at the moment and there are less house mates, more living areas, a far more chilled out feel to it over all, so should be good for me. Its alos only 15mins walk to Chiswick High Street and about 8mins walk to the river with lots of pubs along the edge. Looking forward to being able to invite you all around!!

Readers of our blog, who also read Andy's Blog may remember a while back that we uncovered a job with Durex.

Well today I got home to discover an email in my inbox saying I'd been successfully selected and a package of 'equipment to be tested' was on its way to me!

Talk about timing! Not only do I now find myself without a test partner, I had just walked in the door from finding myself a new place to live - which happens to have a single bed!

Well, what can I say? I applied for a laugh while Dade and I were still living together, in the same country!!

This last week deserves to be labelled 'Production Music Appreciation Week'...

It started of with the gig I went to at the Jazz Cafe on Wednesday night, featuring the Sound Sytlistics, who started life as a production music band (which you all should have read about in my previous post!) and was rounded off nicely on Sunday evening by free tickets to see the KPM Allstars play as part of Jarvis Cocker's Meltdown Festival at the South Bank Centre (thank you KPM! - Another music company we use at work!).

http://www.timeout.com/london/features/3011.

Meltdown Festival is an annual event, curated each year by a different famous person who chooses the line up etc. Unfortunately we didn't get to see Jarvis, as he was next door at the Royal Festival Hall singing Disney classics (I kid you not!!), but we did get to see an amazing show.

It was a 14 peice orchestral line up, and compeered by a selection of production music composers - they played a whole heap of wicked tunes including some well known theme tunes - admittedly not having grown up here, nor having a TV currently i didn't know a lot of them, but hey, i still managed to bop my head to it all!

Last night went along to a Deep Funk night at the Jazz Café in Camden, courtesy of one of the music companies we use at work. Wasn’t sure what to expect, but hey as I was going with Helen, Geary & Michelle I knew it’d be good company and besides it was free so all’s good! (oh it’s a hard life working for a media company sometimes!).

The Jazz Café is quiet a chilled venue, nice comfy seating area near the bar, for those pre gig drinks, where we just chilled and chatted through the support act (The Grits I think) before moving to the comfortably intimate space in front of the stage when the main act came on. The Sound Stylistics started life making production music together (that’s non commercial music that is used in Movies, Promos, TV Shows, commercials etc that doesn’t cost anywhere near as much to use as the commercial stuff ) but have now released a commercial album together. They are a deep funk 'super group', featuring members of Jamiroquai, Brand New Heavies, Galliano, The New Mastersounds, The Herbaliser and the James Taylor Quartet and last night was their first live gig. And a very good gig it was indeed. There were about 10 of them – reminded me of a school band as they came on stage, but boy, the sound was nothing like one! They were very very good, and great to bop along too. All the musicians obviously love what they do, as you could see it in their whole body language as they performed. It was so cool to watch, especially the bongo drum guy, and the keyboardist, when they got going! Didn’t get any pics of them, and can’t find any online but they are definitely worth seeing if you get a chance.

If there is one thing that always makes me regret not learning to play an instrument, its going to live gigs like this! Though I don’t get to nearly enough of them. Must try harder.

Okay yet another program under my belt, working with Rob has been the usual fun and laughs and again I have thoroughly enjoyed the time and gotten to know (if only briefly) some amazing people. Having said that this week had been especially trying what with personal issues and a few issues with participants; however it all worked out in the end, fortunately.

The weeks seem to go by very quickly, its like Carrie only left a few days ago when it been a week already. Shes now back in the UK planning when to leave and see the rest of the world - London seems to suck you in and refuse to let you go if you let it. Break free and show the world who and what you are.

I on the other hand am here (and loving it) with somewhere to live as of next week; Yeah!

Highlights of the week:
Rob rocking on his guitar,
Participants bonding so quickly made our lives so much easier (well done guys),
Karaoke night; boy that night hurt, but its all practise!
I did some magic never performed live before (scary biscuits!!) but it worked out, yea me!
Party night rocked - I'm still recovering!
The surprise birthday bash for Rob - dude you rock!

After such a varied week I realise there is far more to this job than as an Anglo you appreciate (I say that as having been one), no complaints here just observations. I sincerely hope that yet again the friends we met will make the effort to keep in touch

As usual all photos are posted HERE

and please upload and share the photos that you have so we can all enjoy them too ;)

The sun is shining today.
They were mowing the grass on the Green this morning and there was that definite smell of ‘summer’ in the air…
That (and having just chatted to Dade) has put me in a great mood!
I'm not holding out hopes that it’ll last too long (the weather that is!), but I am enjoying it for today….

I have had a hectic week since my last post…
Tuesday night I worked at the restaurant.
Wednesday night I caught up with David, a friend I worked with at Sky in NZ, who was over in London for 3 days (he’s doing a 7 week tour of Europe = intensely jealous!), I also had a farewell party for someone from work, so we went along to that, then we had a quick late dinner (to soak up the alcohol!) and then went and visited a mate of his at Sky here.
Thursday night I had a much needed night in, trying to organise my life.
Friday night I worked at the restaurant again.
Saturday and Sunday I worked day shifts at the restaurant. The bonus was this weekend, I had both nights off! YAY!
Ellen braved the public transport system and ventured into London and we had a good catch up over wine and dinner on Saturday night.
Last night I tried to have an early night, even went to bed about 8.30! But got so engrossed in the book I was reading I ended up still awake at 2am!!

Hey ho!! … its all go but those of you who know me personally, know I like to be busy!!

I’ve got a few things planned this week, including attending a music video filming as part of the onscreen audience but will leave you in suspense about it all so you have something to read about later!

Until then, always remember… “When making your choices in life, do not neglect to live.”

Well another weekend passed working at the restaurant – worked 4 shifts over three days, bringing my total of hours outside my main job to 26… got home to discover my housemates up in arms over some pettiness about not sharing milk and missing slices of bread and today it is raining in London… I am starting to wonder what I am still doing here?

This thought was reinforced even more when I received an email this morning from one of my aunties, who is living in Thailand. A retired home-ec teacher, she moved out there at the start of this year to teach invaluable quilting skills to some very poor villagers so they could support themselves and earn their own incomes. She’s been filling us in on her adventures with monthly updates, and her stories are not only making me jealous, and stirring up the travel bug in me again, but also making me feel like my job and life here are so meaningless at the moment, when there is so much more of the world still to see and so many people of the world I could really make a difference too…

It’s all making me think, what am I waiting for? Why bide my time here, albeit reluctantly, when I could act now and put some meaning and direction back into my life.

The easier and most honest answer is money, and the ability, or inability to earn it elsewhere. Shame really, that money does make the world go round. But I have been in worse positions before and there are definitely a lot more people in the world far worse off than I am… And sometimes you do really need to spend a bit to make a bit, and believe in yourself and take that leap of faith. I have a few thoughts in mind, routes to investigate, and leads to follow up…

So watch this space, as movement shortly is more than inevitable now…