Life is Healthy

"They said that Etta James is still vulgar. I said, Oh, how dare them say I'm still vulgar. I'm vulgar because I dance in the chair. What would they want me to do? Want me to just be still or something like that? I've got to do something."~ Etta James

Well, I made it.

I posted a lot of "filler" this month. I also found that many of the more substantive posts that I have wanted to write (book reviews and news of the conference I attended) remain in draft form. The need to keep cranking out the posts made me less willing to go back to half-written ones and edit them, lest they take up too much time. I will enjoy giving myself the space to write more thoughtfully and to give myself the time to set things aside.

On the other hand, NaBloPoMo made me dig a little deeper, take in the world in a different way (I was constantly wondering, "could I blog about this?") and post some things it never might have otherwise occurred to me to share. The post that probably got the most reaction was the one about toilet sprouts.

The very first year, I did NaBloPoMo, I was diagnosed with mets and never missed a day. In contrast, I faced many fewer challenges this year. On the other hand, November 2006 was filled with stories that were more compelling than the SpeedFit. At least I think so.

I'm revisiting the topic of the omega-6/omega-3 balance and total polyunsaturated fat (PUFA) intake because of some interesting studies I've gotten a hold of lately (thanks Robert). Two of the studies are in pigs, which I feel are a decent model organism for studying the effect of diet on health as it relates to humans. Pigs are omnivorous (although more slanted toward plant foods), have a similar digestive system to humans (although sturdier), are of similar size and fat composition to humans, and have been eating grains for about the same amount of time as humans.

In the last post on the omega-6/omega-3 balance, I came to the conclusion that a roughly balanced but relatively low intake of omega-6 and omega-3 fats is consistent with the diets of healthy non-industrial cultures. There were a few cultures that had a fairly high long-chain omega-3 intake from seafood (10% of calories), but none ate much omega-6.

The first study explores the effect of omega-6 and omega-3 fats on heart function. Dr. Sheila Innis and her group fed young male pigs three different diets:

1. An unbalanced, low PUFA diet. Pig chow with 1.2% linoleic acid (LA; the main omega-6 plant fat) and 0.06% alpha linolenic acid (ALA; the main omega-3 plant fat).
   
2. A balanced, low PUFA diet. Pig chow with 1.4% LA and 1.2% ALA.
3. An unbalanced, but better-than-average, "modern diet". Pig chow with 11.6% LA and 1.2% ALA.

1. Deficient. 1.2% LA and 0.05% ALA.
2. Contemporary. 10.7% LA and 1.1% ALA.
   
3. Evolutionary. 1.2% LA and 1.1% ALA.
4. Supplemented. The contemporary diet plus 0.3% AA and 0.3% DHA.

I don't usually post pictures of my girls on the Web. I'm just not sure who's lurking out there. But this photo is just too cute. If you didn't know any better, you'd think they were angels.

The brilliance of humanity never fails to astound me.



Why just go for a run when you can take your treadmill on the road?

This is a real company and they are completely serious. S. thinks we should ask Santa to bring me one.

Michigan State University nutritional immunology professor Elizabeth Gardner conducted the research which has been published in the November issue of the Journal of Nutrition.In the study, the researcher showed that mice with a calorie-restricted diet were more likely to die during the first few days of infection than mice with a normal diet. Caloric restriction is the practice of reducing the intake of calories to 40 percent of a normal diet, while maintaining adequate vitamins and minerals.

"If you are exposed to a new strain of influenza, to which your body has not made adequate antibodies to protect you from infection, your body must rely on cells that will kill the virus," Gardner said. "The natural killer cells are important in controlling the early stages of virus infection, because they act quickly once they encounter virus-infected cells. Our studies show that calorically restricted mice have increased susceptibility to influenza, and their bodies are not prepared to produce the amount of natural killer cells needed to combat the stress of fighting an infection," the expert added.

In Gardner's research, both regularly fed mice and calorically restricted mice exposed to the virus exhibited decreased food intake as they tried to fight off the infection. Yet the mice on calorically restricted diets took longer to recover and exhibited increased mortality, weight loss and other negative effects. Even though both sets of mice had a diet fortified with appropriate vitamins, the mice consuming normal amounts of food had their appetites back sooner and recovered faster.

"Our research shows that having a body ready to fight a virus will lead to a faster recovery and less-severe effects than if it is calorically restricted," Gardner said. "Adults can calorically restrict their diet eight months out for the year, but during the four months of flu season they need to bump it up to be ready. You need the reserves so your body is ready for any additional stress, including fighting a virus," the expert added.

Source: newKerala

Doctors in Canada are taking part in a study to see if a surgery used to treat severe obesity may also help people with Type 2 diabetes.

However, they caution that so far, only anecdotal evidence results suggesting the surgery works.Still, researchers are encouraged that the operation has helped some patients get rid of the disease entirely.

Cindy Dugas, 48, is one such patient. She recently had the surgery and says it has worked wonders. "My goal is to live without diabetes," she told CTV News, adding that the disease could seriously impact her health in years to come.

"You are looking at nerve damage, you are looking at liver damage, you are looking at heart damage, and I don't want to be looking at those things."
Ten days after the operation, Dugas said that her blood sugar levels have dramatically improved.

Critics are skeptical, but a new study may shed some light on the surgery's effectiveness in helping diabetic patients.

Dr. Mehran Anvari, a McMaster University professor and surgeon at St. Joseph's Healthcare in Hamilton, is contributing to the study, which he hopes will be extremely useful.

"This is at the moment the only treatment being evaluated as a potential cure for diabetes," he told CTV News. Here's how the surgery works. First, doctors insert tools into the abdomen and cut down the size of the stomach, which is then attached to a lower part of the intestine.

The surgery seems to change hormone levels in patients, thus eliminating their diabetes. Anvari says he's tried the surgery on six patients and it's worked on all of them. "(The patients) go off medications almost immediately after surgery, and by six months they are normal," he said.

Some doctors argue that the surgery is a risky option. They also say that no one knows how long a patient's diabetes remission may last. But researchers hope the data coming from the Canadian study will convince doctors that the surgery is indeed a new way of treating those with uncontrolled diabetes. So far, doctors said they've enrolled 20 people in the study and are hoping to have 100 in total.

Source: CTV.ca

^ ^ ^ That is a beautiful quote from The Crow, this pregnancy was not like the movies though - "ok now one big push"; cut to scene mother and baby clean and happy together.
After what seems like a lifetime, I am pleased to say that Sandra has given birth to Ariadna, a guapa little girl!! (she has blue eyes too)

Both Ariadna and Sandra are fine. The baby was tiny 2.71kg and it took 6 additional days over her due date, 18 hours of labour and a cesarean to get her to arrive. I have just returned from spending 24 hours at the hospital and around 10 of those hours actually with Sandra.

I am glad that both are well and doing better. I do have a strong issue with the treatment at the hospital however. A little information goes a long way and being kept for hours at a time with nothing to go on only causes anxiety and problems.

I don't understand the approach that nothing is communicated. OK, so my Spanish isn't up to the level of understanding complex issues, but nothing was said even to Sandra's mother; I simply don't get it, it wasn't like the problems were that big. Things were indeed slow and baby was smaller than expected, but open dialogue would have helped us ALL to understand what the issues were.

I recall when China was born the midwife told us what was happening and when and what to expect and I was even with her ALL the way, from conception to delivery; I cut the cord that freed China, but here no such luck!

So China you now have a baby sister and I would like you to see her rather than just in pictures, so I will see what I can organize with your mom, in the meantime be a good girl kisses.

Anyway I need a shower, food, drink and SLEEP!!! Enjoy the pictures ;)

I have lots on my plate today (and I don't mean Thanksgiving leftovers, living in Canada and all) so I thought it would be a good day for a meme. I stole this one from Average Jane.

1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names):
Marie Leslie.

2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother’s dad, father’s dad):
Alexandre Christopher.

3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name):
Kilaur (I kind of like it!)

4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal):
Blue Dog (or should that read Blue Dawg?).

5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you live):
Anne Ottawa (that's just plain odd).

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink, optionally add “THE” to the beginning):
The Red Black Velvet (or alternatively Red Wine but I don't like that nearly as much).

7. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name):
Laon.

8. GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie):
After Eight Chocolate Chip (now that's just silly).

9. ROCK STAR NAME: (current pet’s name, current street name):
Lucy Fourth.

10. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on):
Kelly Smerdon.

When I played a baseball with my children, I often found my baseball gloves were easily broken, although my children and I have used them only for a couple of month. I really like playing baseball with my children; therefore, I really need good and qualified baseball gloves.After a month without playing baseball, I then tried to search for a better baseball gloves products. Finally, I have found

The world has been always recognizing the American football as one of attractive sports to play and watch. This sport is not only recognized through the action done by the players in the field but also through the NFL Jerseys that the players use.As you can see, there are two main factors that make NFL Jerseys as key to globalize the American football. Firstly, have standardized forms and colors.

Water Scarcity In The Sahel


Sitting on the shores of Lake Debo, the vast body of water at the heart of the River Niger's inland delta, the Malian village of Guidio seems well positioned to withstand the effects of drought. Unlike many other villages in the Sahel, the semi-arid region flanking the Sahara, it has an apparently plentiful supply of water on hand to raise crops and a back up if the drinking wells run dry.


Yet for Guidio's inhabitants, water is now becoming a daily concern. "Before we had enough rain and we could grow anything," says Moussa Guindo, a farmer who has lived in Guidio all his life. He gestures to the dusty ground. "When I was a child, where we're sitting was in the river. Now look: it's the middle of the village. Sometimes the rain starts, but then it doesn't last and the places where we used to be able to grow we can't anymore."


Guidio is a microcosm of the problems being felt up and down the Niger. West Africa's great waterway is a lifeline for an estimated 110 million people who rely on its annual floods to cultivate crops and raise cattle. But as the example of Guidio illustrates, the river is also fickle, and there are signs that growing human exploitation and an increasingly volatile climate are putting its future as a sustainable resource under serious threat.


Certainly, recent history suggests a grim future for those who depend on the Niger. Since the 1970s, with a few exceptional years, the region has been in the grip of a drought. Figures collated by conservation body the IUCN suggest rainfall in some parts of the Sahel have decreased by as much as 30% since the early 70s, with dramatic effects on river levels. Separate research by the Niger Basin Authority (NBA), the international body set up to manage the river's resources, shows that at Koulikoro, a town upstream from the Inland Delta, the river's flow over each of the three decades between 1970 and 2000 was on average 25% below the daily norm.


With the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change predicting that temperatures in the Sahel could rise by up to 0.5 degrees every decade, it would be easy to conclude that the trends of the past 30 years can only continue. But according to Jamie Skinner, a water expert with the International Institute for Environment and Development, climatologists have yet to predict with any certainty future rainfall patterns in the Sahel.


The only thing anyone can agree on is more variability," Skinner says. "There's a massive effort underway to devise a better model for studying Sahelian weather systems, but the reality is that no one really understands the West African monsoon."




Water And Land In The Sahel

Overuse of water, wasteful practices, overpopulation, and multinational inteference in agriculture have all lent to the drought being experienced in this area of Africa as well as climate change. Have we reached a tipping point in Africa? Can we stop the multi nationals such as Monsanto that seek to force GMOs on Africa to continue to kill biodiversity? This is now happening in too many places throughout the world to simply just be cyclical or coincidence.

Acute water scarcity at wettest place on Earth

Meghalaya India, the wettest place on Earth is now known as a wet desert due to water scarcity. Has climate change also now even reached the most hidden pristine parts of our world?

From the article:

Nothing can be more ironical: despite being the wettest place on earth Cherrapunjee is suffering from acute water scarcity, earning for itself the epithet wet desert. And now the Energy and Resources Institute (TERI) is assisting the Meghalaya government to go into the causes of the scarcity, especially during the lean period.

The study will include technical assessments on the status of river catchments in Meghalaya and social and institutional analysis of the forces that have led to the shortage of water, says Jevon Harding of TERI. TERI will assist the Rain Water Harvesting Mission, formed by the state government, to combat the shortage of surface water. One of the components of the study will be to come up with a strategy of rainwater harvesting. Cherrapunjee receives about 12000 mm rainfall annually, but the residents face severe crisis of surface water specially during the lean season when rainfall is sometimes nil. Women and children trudging uphill with water-filled clay-pots on their backs from deep gorges is a common sight in Cherrapunjee today. The perennial springs gushing out abundant water are also now on the verge of drying up due to random large-scale destruction of forests.

Environmentalist Naba Bhattacharjee said, It-s a false notion that high rainfall will ensure perennial water supply for infinity. Only 0.0007 per cent of the world-s total water is potable and which is on decline due to change in rainfall pattern and inadequate precipitation due to global warming and climate change. He, however, emphasized on revival of traditional rain water storage systems supplemented by improved modern technology suitable for hilly the terrain. Emphasizing on equitable distribution of water among people, anthropologist Nitish Jha of the TERI said, There is no physical crisis of water in Meghalaya, but there is an economic scarcity of water only in Cherrapunjee (now called Sohra), which receives the highest rainfall in the world.

Jha said that the TERI would venture into an extensive survey over a period of one year to ascertain the cause of water crisis in Shillong and Sohra and subsequently come out with a detailed project report on tackling the situation through effective management and conservation measures. snipJha pointed out that the peculiar land tenure system prevalent in the State coupled with the menace of unscientific coal mining and stone quarrying have depleted water levels in the perennial catchments of the state.

___________

Unscientific Coal Mining Affecting Meghalaya Environment

It is truly heartbreaking to see this happening to one of the last pristine places on Earth. It is totally inhumane. Population will increase while the availability of freshwater declines due to such practices which toxify the land and water. Add to that the effects of climate change in this area as far as erratic rainfall patterns, species extinction, and invasive species as well as the spread of diseases and we are looking at an environmental catatrophe where there should have been none. What is it about so many in the human species who still cannot connect these dots? To think that even there natural biodiversity cannot be respected is dark news indeed. Governments are totally irresponsible in their actions as well. They hurt the very people they are supposed to be helping.

I want to thank everyone who took the time to leave advice or thoughts on my post about tantrums.

As a direct result of your comments, I kept five year old D. home this morning, just to hang out and have fun together.

We played Dog-Opoly (like Monopoly, except that instead of buying property, you buy dogs. It's a laugh a minute) for almost two hours. We danced to the soundtrack from the SpongeBob Squarepants Movie (D. insisted that we take turns dancing while the other watched. He's a real little showboat). We went out to lunch at Subway.

As we were eating our sandwiches, I said, "I'm feeling happy."

"Me too!" he said.

He ran happily into the school when I dropped him off. Our morning went by in a heartbeat. I realized how quickly he's growing up. He can read and add up two numbers on dice (his future as a gambler looks bright. He even blows on the dice before rolling them). And, as a dancer, he really does have some great moves.

We had fun. And we cuddled. It was good.

I am thankful for:
1. being alive
2. two beautiful dogs
3. good friends, old and new
4. a home
5. family, and
6. a job (just having a job in this economy).

That's my top six.

Researchers discovered one type of lipid produced in the gut rises after eating fatty foods. The lipid, called N-acylphosphatidylethanolamines or NAPE, enters the bloodstream and goes straight to the brain. NAPEs concentrate in a brain region that controls food intake and energy expenditure. The most abundant form of NAPE seems to be effective in controlling fat intake even when administered artificially.

Thanks to commenter Brock for pointing me to this very interesting paper, "Effects of fish oil on hypertension, plasma lipids, and tumor necrosis factor-alpha in rats with sucrose-induced metabolic syndrome". As we know, sugar gives rats metabolic syndrome when it's added to regular rat chow, probably the same thing it does to humans when added to a processed food diet.

One thing has always puzzled me about sugar. It doesn't appear to cause major metabolic problems when added to an otherwise healthy diet, yet it wreaks havoc in other contexts. One example of the former situation is the Kuna, who are part hunter-gatherer, part agricultural. They eat a lot of refined sugar, but in the context of chocolate, coconut, fish, plantains, root vegetables and limited grains and beans, they are relatively healthy. Perhaps not quite on the same level as hunter-gatherer groups, but healthier than the average modernized person from the point of view of the diseases of civilization.

This paper really sheds light on the matter. The researchers gave a large group of rats access to drinking water containing 30% sucrose, in addition to their normal rat chow, for 21 weeks. The rats drank 4/5 of their calories in the form of sugar water. There's no doubt that this is an extreme treatment. They subsequently developed metabolic syndrome, including abdominal obesity, elevated blood pressure, elevated fasting insulin, elevated triglycerides, elevated total cholesterol and LDL, lowered HDL, greatly increased serum uric acid, greatly elevated liver enzymes suggestive of liver damage, and increased tumor necrosis factor-alpha (TNF-alpha). TNF-alpha is a hormone secreted by visceral (abdominal) fat tissue that may play a role in promoting insulin resistance.

After this initial 12-week treatment, they divided the metabolic syndrome rats into two groups:

I know several women who discovered they had breast cancer much later than they ought to have, because they were refused access to screening, their doctors dismissed their concerns or their breasts were so dense that tumours were not easily detectable by ultrasound or mammogram.

And then, today I read in the Globe and Mail that a new study coming out of Norway, revealed that some cancers will disappear on their own and that more sophisticated testing, such as the MRI, can lead to "overdiagnosis":

The study, published yesterday in the journal Archives of Internal Medicine, suggested breast-cancer screening may be leading to overdiagnosis, with about 22 per cent of cases likely to resolve themselves without treatment.

Once a breast cancer is found, however, it would currently be considered unethical not to treat it. So - if the theory is correct - large numbers of women may be having surgery, radiation, chemotherapy and other treatments that would never have been needed if their cancers had not been detected.

[]Radiation can damage the heart and coronary arteries. A previous randomized controlled trial showed that about one in 10 women who receive radiation for breast cancer will die from heart damage attributable to the treatment, he said.

In a telephone interview from Oslo, Dr. Zahl said that if he and his co-authors are correct, two women die from complications of breast-cancer treatment for every woman saved by screening.

"And that's a very bad tradeoff."

Finally, and most importantly, there is no way to tell the difference on mammography, or by any other technique, between the cancers that will disappear and the ones that will go on and kill the woman. Without a practical way to separate those who need to be treated from those who do not, the finding is intriguing and worthy of further investigation, but cannot guide us in determining the best way to screen for breast cancer and the best way to treat it.

A friend of mine said, "I don't work error free." And I add to that, "neither does anyone else."

I'm eager to get back to my routine. I love my pups more than anything, but I need something beyond four legs and a tail. The pups never disagree with me. They go along with anything I say. Thank goodness I have a friend who often says to me, "You know better than that." The gym awaits me.

When I watch the Biggest Loser, it is often disappointing to me. Not because of how tough the trainers are. Or how tough the diets are. I expect those things. It's the petty game playing. I couldn't live a bunch of people I would prefer to b@#*h slap than talk to. But people love a train wreck. I guess that's why the show is popular.

Next week, December 1, I'm getting serious again. I feel more ready now than I have in a while. I think I just truly needed a break. My body feels more healed. I'm still struggling with sinus things, but I'll be doing that for the rest of the winter. And I need the exercise. So do the dogs. Once I get going, they will, too.

Ok. I hear my dogs getting a little wild in the living room. So I'll be going for now. TTFN.

Once hailed as a miracle weight-loss drug, Fen-phen was removed from the market more than a decade ago for inducing life-threatening side effects, including heart valve lesions.

Tibetan Glaciers Melting Rapidly

Glaciers high in the Himalayas are dwindling faster than anyone thought, putting nearly a billion people living in South Asia in peril of losing their water supply.

Throughout India, China, and Nepal, some 15,000 glaciers speckle the Tibetan Plateau. There, perched in thin, frigid air up to 7200 metres above sea level, the ice might seem secluded from the effects of global warming.

But just the opposite is proving true, according to new research published in the journal Geophysical Research Letters.

Professor Lonnie Thompson of Ohio State University and a team of researchers travelled to central Himalayas in 2006 to study the Naimona'nyi glacier, expecting to find some melting.

Mountain glaciers have been receding all over the world since the 1990s and there was no reason this one, which provides water to the mighty, Indus, and Brahmaputra Rivers, should be any different.

But when the team analysed samples of glacier, what they found stunned them.

Radioactive signals

Glaciers can be dated by looking for traces of radioactivity buried in the ice. These are the leftovers from US and Soviet atomic bomb testing in the 1950s and 1960s.

In the Naimona'nyi samples, there was no sign of the tests. In fact, the glacier had melted so much that the exposed surface of the glacier dated to 1944.

"We were very surprised not to find the 1962-1963 horizon, and even more surprised not to find the 1951-1952 signal," says Thompson.

In more than twenty years of sampling glaciers all over the world, this was the first time both markers were missing.

He suspects the reason for this is that high-altitude glaciers, despite residing in colder temperatures, are more sensitive to climate change.

As more heat is trapped in the atmosphere, he said, it holds more water vapour. And when the water vapour rises to high altitudes it condenses, releasing the heat into the upper atmosphere, where high mountain landscapes feel the brunt of warming.

"At the highest elevations, we're seeing something like an average of 0.3°C warming per decade," says Thompson. "The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change projects 3°C of warming by 2100. But that's at the surface; up at the elevations where these glaciers are there could be almost twice as much, almost 6°C."

"I have not seen much as compelling as this to demonstrate how some glaciers are just being decapitated," says Associate Professor Shawn Marshall of the University of Calgary.

snip

The finding has ominous implications for the hundreds of millions of people who depend on the waters of the Naimona'nyi and other glaciers for their livelihoods. Across the region, no one know just how much water the Himalayas have left, but Thompson says it's dwindling fast.

"You can think of glaciers kind of like water towers," he says. "They collect water from the monsoon in the wet season, and release it in the dry season. But how effective they are depends on how much water is in the towers."
______________________________
In a world where it warms by three degrees, we will see this beginning to happen more rapidly. The world based on current global climate events is now between two and a half and three degrees. The burning of fossil fuels which has now been scientifically linked to the exacerbation of climate change must be drastically cut within the next ten years to avoid a climate catastrophe. It is unimaginable to picture a world where we reach four degrees or above. In such a world the planet we call our home would be unrecognizable and our lives would change forever. War over water will be commonplace, and hundreds of millions of climate refugees would be seeking higher ground from Bangladesh and other low lying areas due to sea rise, which is already making itself known in these areas.

And it is not as if people in this world are not aware of what we are experiencing. Yet, we continue to waste water, mismanage it, and elect people to represent us who do not take the issue of water management and conservation seriously. We will rue the day we acted so cavalierly regarding this most precious resource. The glaciers of the Himalayas are only one of many glacier chains across the world losing mass more rapidly than even the IPCC predicted. We cannot as a species continue to be distracted by diversions while our world melts around us. We are on a collision course with our destiny. It is absolute arrogance to think we are omnipotant over nature and that we have no responsibility for our actions. To tempt fate due to apathy is to tempt our own demise.

The impact of the Internet has provided a very large and positive effect on the behavior of the global community in the shop. Via the internet we can buy any items quickly and easily. Like football equipment. You can buy all the equipment of football without the need to go to each store only to buyFootball is the most popular sport by every person in the world. TV shows about football can affect

Hey China-girl
Happy Birthday! I bet your really big now; it would be nice to have a up-to-date photo of you or better yet, see you in person!

I am going to see if you can come over to Spain to spend some time here and get to know Spain a little and also your sister/brother.

I'm happy you liked your present and I hope you had a good birthday in the end ;)
I miss you so much and time seems to have flown by - I'm sorry you are caught in the middle you know I am always here for you as I always have been.

Love you lots and lots
Dad xXx

The CBC just announced the five books and panelists for this year's Canada Reads competition:

"Canada Reads announced the contenders Tuesday for its annual contest to choose a single book all Canadians would enjoy reading.

The field has five Canadian books, including two debut novels and works by Quebec's Michael Tremblay and New Brunswick's David Adams Richards.

CBC Radio One, host of the Canada Reads series, also announced members of the panel who will defend the five books in an effort to get theirs chosen.

They are:

• TV personality Avi Lewis defending The Book of Negroes by Lawrence Hill.
• Singer Sarah Slean defending Mercy Among the Children by David Adams Richards.
• Actor Nicholas Campbell defending The Outlander by Gil Adamson.
• TV host Anne-Marie Withenshaw defending The Fat Woman Next Door is Pregnant (La grosse femme d'à côté est enceinte ) by Michel Tremblay, translated by Sheila Fischman.
• Author Jen Sookfong Lee defending Fruit by Brian Francis."

OK. My latest resolution is to start all over again on December 1. The puppy is becoming acclimated to a schedule. I should be able to get back to my routine. Hell, I needed this break anyway--at least that's what I'm telling myself. I also have this week off from work--which is much needed. I haven't had a full week off since last year at this time. I hoping this is what I need anyway. Actually, I need some kind of motivation beyond what I currently have. Ugh.

Many of you wrote to say Part 5 made you teary. Sorry about that. It’s why I decided I may as well hit ya’ll over the head with another one and get it over with. This part still makes me cry.

Part 6:

Mary and Mr. Jones made me visit places I’d not been to in years. While I could have been undone, I was proud of myself for facing the fear and feeling the pain and crying the tears, all while losing weight and working and doing all the other things I did in my normal life. Grief hadn’t won. Yet.

Just as I was about to walk on stage and thank the Academy for my awesome performance, Carlene got an email from David – the man who married us, buried Bruce, baptized Carlene and stood in the center of my loss.

“As I sit here at my computer, I have in front of me the bulletin from the funeral service for Bruce,” David wrote. “I often think of that week in the life of the Jasper community because it was filled with some of the most profound pain and sorrow I have ever witnessed. Your dad belonged to those people and his death was deeply felt by all who knew him…

“…Looking back, I also remember one of the greatest errors we made in those days was not letting your mother at least touch some portion of his body. It was not fair of us (the mortician and me) to not make it possible for this physical ending to happen. How difficult it must have been to have Bruce virtually disappear from her life…my deepest apologies for this mistake.”

When I learned Bruce’s tractor was hit by a freight train and David told me I couldn’t see his body, I imagined Bruce strewn in a million pieces along the tracks. Blood, body parts, his coveralls, boots, and hat all unrecognizable pieces of what had a been the person I woke up next to four hours earlier.

A week after the funeral, our local newspaper confirmed I was wrong. And they had photos all over the front page to prove it.

No one warned me there would be photos. I expected there would be an article about the accident, but I never thought there’d be photos of Bruce’s mangled tractor next to a line of coal cars, of people mulling about the scene like it was an Easter egg hung, or of glass and metal scattered all over the tracks and ditch. But one photo in particular hit me smack between the eyes: “The body of Bruce Bouwman can be seen in the center of the photograph alongside the tracks and covered with a tarp.”

What the…? I didn’t understand. For a second, I floated outside my body and looked at me looking at a photo of my husband’s bootless legs sticking out from under a tarp. Then I was riding on an asteroid plummeting through the earth’s atmosphere.

Think, Lynn, think. What’s going on? What is this?

I tried to make it make sense when a few seconds later, wham! I hit the ground, and from the crater rose up so much anger and despair I started to choke and hyperventilate. There is no sense of direction in hell.

“That’s my husband!” I screamed to no one, although Carlene was asleep in her crib in the next room.

Tears and snot ran into my mouth as I reached for the phone on the wall and dialed my parents’ phone number. Dad answered the phone.

“Daddy,” I bawled, “you promised me I’d never have to see his tractor! You promised me!”

“Lynnie?” he said. My voice was unrecognizable and he was obviously taken off guard. He begged me to calm down and tell him what happened. I paced the length of the phone cord and cried and listened to him saying calmly, “Shhhh, honey. Shhhhh. Shhhhh.”

Finally, I slumped to the floor and in fits and stops, told Dad about the photographs. While it was true he promised me that Bruce’s tractor was taken far away and that I’d never have to see it, he couldn’t have known there would be published photographs. My dad, who’d lost his father when he was 6 years old and felt tremendous personal sorrow for Carlene, was beside himself trying to comfort his daughter 200 miles away. As a parent, I can only imagine how he felt. My guess is he wanted to hurt someone. Really badly.

The only thing those photos did was assure me that Bruce had not been cut into a million pieces by a freight train, and that the body we buried in the ground was whole. I wondered why that mattered. Dead is dead. But because it mattered and I was left with so many questions about the accident, I sought the answers a few weeks later. I went to talk to David because I knew he’d tell me the truth. Even though he thought he was protecting me by not letting me see Bruce’s dead body, he knew I needed to know what happened and how.

I told him of my original fear about how Bruce died and he assured me that Bruce’s body was indeed intact and that he died of a severe head injury. Investigators surmised that the train hit the front wheels of Bruce’s cab tractor and that his body was thrown through the front window and into the ditch. The glass lacerated his brain and he was killed instantly. I still wonder if in the last seconds of his life, Bruce saw the train and if he was afraid and if he knew he was going to die. My heart aches for him if that is true.

David was on the ambulance crew that day, so he’d seen Bruce dead, and David’s trauma became my lasting nightmare. I developed what I call “Bruce dreams” shortly after our conversation and I’ve had them ever since. Experts say it’s because I never saw him dead. Never got the chance to say goodbye.

I wasn’t angry with David about his decision to not let me see Bruce. I knew he acted out of love and compassion all those years ago. Still I welcomed his apology because it validated what I’d felt for years – that I needed to see Bruce dead so I could have some closure. If I hadn’t been a 19-year-old bleeding, nursing new mother, I would have demanded it.

Reliving the hardest days in all of my life gave the 19-year-old me some satisfaction, but the present me was falling into a black hole. As Carlene’s project wore on, I became more aware of how the time separating Bruce and me had stolen the small details of our life. I remembered the painful things, but I couldn’t always recall the good.

Carlene’s project was under my skin and had become way more personal than I expected or wanted. By the time the final response came in late winter, I was off the DASH diet and on an antidepressant. I had too many feelings and not enough space in my head. I couldn’t stand the nights of crying and days of sleeping. I got stuck when I tried to break away from the memories and put them in perspective, all the while trying to nurture my real-life relationship. I still loved Bruce and I felt like I was betraying Larry by crying over a ghost.

Bone marrow is a food that has been prized throughout history-- from hunter-gatherer tribes to haute cuisine chefs. It's not hard to understand why, once you've tasted it. It's delicate, meaty and fatty. It's also rich in fat-soluble vitamins, including vitamins K1 and K2, although this will depend on what the animal has eaten.

Roasted marrow bones make a simple appetizer. Beef bones are the best because of their size. Select wide bones that are cut about three inches long. They should be from the femur or the humerus, called the "shank bones". These are sometimes available in the frozen meats section of a grocery store, otherwise a butcher can procure them. If you have access to a farmer's market that sells meats, vendors will typically have bones cut for you if you request it.

The guy at the UPS Store asked me this question (I was using UPS to send some photos to my publisher because PSAC members at Canada Post are on strike).

I looked around to see to whom he was speaking.

Then it dawned on me.

"Yes, I am."

Or at least I'm working on believing it.

I've mentioned before that I have been meeting with a coach since last January. Joyce has a Masters in Education and is part therapist and part life coach. She works with lots of struggling artists and writers, many people currently working in the labour movement and several cancer survivors.

I have always made my living with words but this year I pledged to begin to think of myself as a writer. This need for this had become acute as I relinquished the sense of identity I had derived from full-time work and as the struggle to stay alive had (thankfully) moved the back burner.

With Joyce's input and guidance, I established three goals for this year:

I wanted to finish my book. I am proud to say that I accomplished this (although it never seems to be quite done and I am currently reviewing the copy-editing). I could not have done this without Joyce.

I wanted to build links to other younger people with cancer and spread the word that many of us are living long and well with metastatic breast cancer. I feel really good about my contributions to this blog, Mothers With Cancer, BlogHer and MyBreastCancerNetwork.Com. I also attended a wonderful conference, organized by Living Beyond Breast Cancer.

This networking has gone so well that I burned myself out a little. I have taken a step back of late.

My third goal was to write fiction. I started by playing around a little with my "morning pages" (which I don't always write in the morning). I read and did exercises from several great books (Writing Down the Bones, The Artist's Way, Bird by Bird and The Writer's Path).

Joyce suggested that I needed a writing group and it dawned on me that I could start one. I've done that.

Joyce suggested that I should sign up for an online writing course that would give me some progressive assignments to work on. I did some research and registered for one called "I've Always Wanted To Write Fiction." We are in week four and I am up to date on my assignments.

I am not thrilled with what I have produced so far but I am proud that I have done it. My prose still seems stilted and pedestrian but I am putting my toes in the water. Everything I have read tells me that art takes hard work. I may not be Virginia Woolf (or even Sue Grafton) but I can make art for its own sake. And mine.

And as I re-read this blog post, I realize that I have come a long way this year.

Cross-posted to Mothers With Cancer.

I have just seen (what I think) a wonderful application, that you can download to your iPhone or iTouch.

If you frequent the bar, or just like to have the occasional drink, then a new iPhone application has Got Your Back.
As a matter of fact, that is the name of the application; except it is spelled BAC (as in Blood-Alcohol Concentration).
With this application you will know exactly when you should call a taxi.

When you first launch the application, you'll enter some personal information, like age, weight, and gender, so the application can calculate your BAC correctly.

The main display shows four drinks on a table.
You can change the type of beverage by double-tapping and selecting a different one - the icon will also change.

Each time you drink a beverage, you drag the icon off the table and onto the screen.
The BAC, Carbs, Calories, and number of drinks will be updated in the top-left corner of the screen. As you add drinks, these numbers will increase.

The red line across the screen indicates the legal limit - when you're above this line, a new button will appear called "call a taxi." When tapped, this button will launch the Maps app and search for taxis.

It would be useful if you could input a number for a designated driver, that way you don't have to fumble through your contacts or call a taxi.

OK, so it won't stop you drinking and driving but anything towards that goal I think is a good thing, and I speak from personal experience!

Got Your BAC is available from the Apple Store for $2.99 (US), or HERE
Remember, the best thing to do is to not drink and drive but if you are going to I encourage you to download and use this app - Christmas is a time for indulging, but at least do it safely.

I don't know why, but this song has been stuck in my head for the last 24 hours--at least. I'll try to post again later. I'm planning on going to the gym sometime today. Enjoy.