Life is Healthy

Here is a brief overview of my life with my ex and daughter. My daughter and I had a wonderful relationship; I say HAD because I no longer get access to her. I have no contact, no address, no access and no rights - after 9 years of raising a daughter I have nothing, is that right?!

Anyway, I met my ex way back in '96 (I think) it was a long time ago. Eitherway she was a young girl very beautiful to me and I could see a lot of potential in her.
She was a Jehovahs Witness for years and just before meeting me had renounced it, when he parents found out she was with me and didnt want to follow thier beliefs they kicked her out into the street.

So whats a guy to do, I moved her in with me. It was nice at first but I had to deal with alot, police, her parents, trying to move to a better area etc.
Then she got pregnant but sadly we lost the baby! We moved out of Leicester to Telford at this point. We decided we really wanted a baby - so we tried again, and later that year she gave birth to my daughter CHINA! and yes she truely was precious.

We had moved back to Leicester as Telford wasn't working out for either of us really and she thought her family would help more now we had China. (mistake number 1)!
Back in Leicester, I was alone and working my ass off to make our lives better, at one point working four jobs. I was now a qualified Fitness Instructor / Personal Trainer, so I was starting to look good too :)

We decided (against my better judgement) to get married - then after spending a small fortune and making lots of cut backs and compromises; she had an affair with her boss, I caught them and we split up.

When I got someone suddenly she wanted me back, now still loving her and missing China I agreed to try again (mistake number 2). So they moved in with me in my flat, but one day I returned home to find my flat empty - her and her sister had taken everything from the flat and put it into her house!?! So much for trust - I had apparently slept with someone I didn't!
But I had attempted to kiss one of her friends; which WAS wrong (mistake number 3).

So again we split - we finally got back together after 6 months or so, and stayed together for several years - all in all we were together (on and off for 9 years), in which time I never raised a finger to her, I was a great father to China and did all I could to make life better for us all - ok things weren't perfect, but they were much better than almost anyone else's around us, we had a nice enough home and money to live.

She was working some strange jobs - Gentlemens bars and Uni bars, but I didnt stop her, only encouraged her to make the best of the situation and gain as much experience as she could. Obviously knowing she got flirted with and I'm sure flirted back lots; but I had to trust her!
(mistake number 4) - she soon started getting ideas about dancing but that I wasn't keen on.

Anyway the day before Mothers Day she arrived home at 4am crying, I awoke and asked her whats wrong - thinking she had been attacked!?! She then told me she didnt love me and loved someone else.
I was deverstated! - (their relationship didnt last more than weeks, so much for love!)

She told me I had to leave; now at this point I had no one and no where to go, no money or job as I was doing magic as a living.
After several hours of pleading with her, she allowed me to stay on in the house and she stayed with friends for a while - this took about 2 weeks to try to get myself sorted, but I couldnt no matter what I did nothing would come together.

We had blazing rows constantly and eventually I had to leave the house and move forward - I spent sometime living rough but that was never going to work, I got very low and contemplated leaving this world, but I didn't as I decided China needed her dad!
I fought daily to see China and maybe once a fortnight got to - unless I bumped into them unexpectedly.

After a few months I had gotten on my feet with work and housing - with no help from anyone; thank you social security! - actually not true, a magician friend of mine did help, which stopped me living on the streets; thanks Dave!!

I got a place very close so I could see China, but that didn't happen - my ex wanted me GONE; out of sight out of mind - actually I think she felt guilty. As I never got to see China and only got hassle from my ex I left Leicester and moved to London with Carrie an awfully sweet girl who I simply couldn't love after such hurt; and she desevered to be happy and loved.
I continued to try to fight to get access to China, but to no avail, I managed to see her once!

I moved again this time to Spain - work was good, living was nice - but I was incomplete still no access to China, I sent emails, txt's even called but ignored constantly, my ex at this point seemed to hate me even more - like I had ever done anything to deserve it!?
my life had improved hers had stayed still - my fault??!!

She demanded money constantly, and insisted I maintain her life?!! WTF! sorry but I dont think so. I refused to send her money - but agreed to buy what China needed, not good enough!
I asked for her to come here (to Spain, for holidays), left money for a passport and even happily paid for the tickets, but again no joy.
So I went back to England for a week over the Xmas period - what a waste of time, I got 4 hours with China the day before xmas eve - after buying her presents I was no longer needed and again I got a load of shit from my ex and several threats.

So I decided that this year I would not be returning to England and that China would have to come here, that didn't happen - but she did go to France so it seems!!??

My ex now informs me she is getting married - good fucking luck this time!
She claims she is happy, wonderful!
But to top it all she tells me that her new fella is going to adopt China and change her name! FUCKING WONDERFUL!!!!!!!
No matter what I do, did or have done it makes no difference because in this fucked up world I dont matter!

I have all the responsibilites and no rights - the law needs to wake the fuck up!
IT is killing families more than individuals are!

So in the 2 years we have been apart I have seen my daughter twice - which you could argue is my fault for being here, but I had to be here as being in England and not seeing her was even harder, at least here I have an excuse!

Whilst here I have met Sandra a wonderful Spanish girl, but still issues about letting go and loving someone 100% - cheers for that, not letting me trust anyone anymore!

Well maybe no matter how hard I try I simply can't change things?
So after taking my dignity, my home, my daughter, denying me access, you now want to remove my name from her life too!? Thank you - DNA next!?.

I look forward to her being 16 and hope that someday she will come to me or I will come find her, without your intervention, as I cant and wont keep being hurt because of the past. I'm done!!!
You will not turn me into a bad guy, no matter how much you try!