Life is Healthy

There are days when even 30 minutes of cardio feels like an eternity.

Yesterday, after fighting a sore butt for three days, I got on the arc trainer at the gym for 45 minutes. I was determined. 45 minutes or bust.

My butt (technically, my glutes) hurt because I added a squat while I do three sets of 20 bicep curls during my strength training workout. I lift weights slowly so I’m in that position for a good minute each set. My butt revolted the next day and I was so stiff and so sore I could barely get in and out of my car on Tuesday. Hmmm…guess I should have started a little slower. Anyway, by Thursday I was tired of my sore butt muscles and so I worked them out again, same regimen as Monday, and they loosened up a bit. With the help of my massage therapist, I felt even better by Thursday night. I had no excuse not to do a regular cardio workout Friday.

I walked to the gym then hopped on the arc trainer with the moveable arms. I strapped on my iPod, plugged in 45 minutes on the machine, set the incline to 5 and the intensity to 25 and started my warm-up. Here’s a bit of my inner dialogue over the ensuing workout:

“I can do this, no problem.

I’m bored. Music? No, wait, I haven’t listened to ‘Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me’ yet. That’ll distract me.

I’m not going to work out very hard. Nope. Gonna go easy. OK, it’s ten to eight. I’ll be done a little after 8:30. Increase to 30. Yeah, that’s it. No problem.

The chick next to you is bouncing around at only 20. What a wimp! She can’t be more than 19 years old and she can’t take more than a 20 intensity? Wait, maybe she’s sick or is just getting back into exercise. What a bitch you’re being, Lynn. But crank it up anyway. 45. Yeah. 45. You want to sweat, Lynn. Show her. Come on, show her what you can do.

OK, back off to 40. I can’t breathe.

How many more minutes left? 35? Ugh. Everyone in here is so young and thin. Stop it, Lynn. You’re not old. I feel old. I’m sweating finally. Did my knee just pop?

This is going to take FOREVER. Why am I doing this? Because you want to stay thin. What if I just stopped now? 20 minutes is enough. No. It’s not. What should I make for dinner? I have to go to the grocery store.

Music. I need music. No, not that song. Not that song. I need to update this iPod. Not that song. There, ‘Back in Black’. That’ll work. I’m half done, thank god.

Hmmm….he’s kind of cute. Don’t stare, Lynn. He’s young enough to be your son. Shut your eyes. Listen to the music. Concentrate for a minute.

Crank it back up to 45. There, that’s good. My butt doesn’t feel too bad. How many more minutes? 18. I’ll do 45 for 2 minutes then 40 for a few then back to 45. Yeah. That’s what I’ll do.

The sun’s shining. Maybe I’ll take a walk today. I need mulch. Maybe I’ll go to WalMart. Did I leave the stove on? Crap, I think I did. I need to vacuum. And call the groomer. And pick up Cooper’s doggie medicine. I have to write a blog. What will I say?

How many more minutes? This is taking forever. What time is it? 8:27. Good. Almost done. Is that girl getting on the stepper now? Man, she just did a half hour on the elliptical. I wish I had that stamina. Wait, she’s not sweating. I’m dripping like I just got out of the shower. Does that mean she’s not working as hard as me or that I’m just prone to sweating? Is my underwear showing?

Oh no, I forgot deodorant. Try to keep your arms down. Man you smell, Lynn! Will there be a bench available in the weight room when I’m done? Or do I want to do my abs at home? No, do them here. Wait, do them at home. No, because if I decide to do them at home I’ll get distracted and busy and not do them at all. Do them here.

Two minutes to go. Cool down. No, one more minute at 45, then a 1-minute cool down. That’s all you need.

I feel pretty good. I don’t have to do this again for 24 hours. Maybe I’ll like it tomorrow. Maybe I’ll want to do it tomorrow. At least I did it today. What’s for breakfast? 3-2-1…FINALLY! I’m done.”

Here I sit, 24 hours later, getting ready to face 30 minutes on the elliptical I have here at home as well as 50-60 minutes of strength training and ab work. I can already feel that squat. My butt will NOT be happy.

But afterwards? That’s the best feeling in the world.