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Chocolate Cake and Other Memories

Posted by Aldie at 6:55 PM

Today at my grandson’s first birthday party, I saw my ex-husband for the first time in 11 years. I also ate a piece of chocolate cake made from a recipe that’s been in my family for more than 40 years. Both brought up a lot of emotions, but thankfully I didn’t eat the cake because I was in the presence of Ex.

Even though I had a knot the size of Fort Knox in my stomach both in anticipation of seeing Ex and actually seeing Ex, eating the cake was something I’d planned, and along with a little fruit and a small portion of bean burger from Claire’s plate, it was all I ate this afternoon.

Yet it was –

dare I say –

comforting?

Ex (husband #3 from 1990-1994) was at the party because he and my children recently reconnected. I’m cool with that. I supported it, actually. However, he and I will probably never be real chummy again and I’m learning to be OK with that. My kids are happy and that’s all that matters to me. Besides, it’s complicated and not a ball I want to add to the juggle I’ve got going right now with my knees and shoulders and book and what have you.

Bright spot: Ex’s wife is awesome. She was my friend before she was Ex’s wife. I introduced them, actually, and convinced him to ask her out. Seeing her today was a really nice blast from the past. She looks and sounds the same as ever, and it was like it was 11 days and not 11 years since I talked to her. She personifies all that was good between Ex and me while at the same time represents all the things we wanted in each other and couldn’t have.

OK, so back to the chocolate cake. Growing up, I blew out every year’s birthday candles on that cake, and it was the Baby Jesus cake of choice every Christmas (my daughters always insisted on throwing Baby Jesus a birthday party). It’s still the featured cake at my niece’s and nephews’ birthdays, and now my grandchildren’s.

It’s the frosting that sets it apart. While it tastes good in tandem with the cake, I always ate it separate from the cake, like the cake and frosting were individual foods. Today I ate a small sliver of cake, consuming both the frosting and cake together. But it just wasn’t the same. Sort of like Ex and me. We’re both good people. We are just best when enjoyed separately.

What is it about particular foods that anchor us? Remind us? Tether us to a memory? That chocolate cake kept me somewhat sane today. Just seeing it in the pan reminded me of my 30 years before Ex. The times when I was a little kid like Luca and Claire and enjoyed the hell out of my birthday. I didn’t even have to eat it to feel its significance.

Thanks for making it through this complicated maze of thoughts. I hope some of it made sense. I just needed this place to vent and start sorting out this newest layer of life stuff. I suspect we all need a jumping off place like that. I’m just glad I had a nice sliver of comforting chocolate cake to put it all in perspective.

Luca crushing his non-chocolate cake cupcake. Happy b-day, Luca Man!
Claire crushing carrots with reduced-fat ranch dip. That girl ate at least 25 carrots today.

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