Life is Healthy

I found an interesting story on CNN yesterday called “Dealing with jerks at your gym.” Made me recall the “Seinfeld” episode in which George was caught peeing in the shower.

This part of the story made me laugh out loud:

Cindy Lauren, a 53-year-old medical nonprofit director from Santa Monica, California, has a noise nightmare at her gym. The former competitive bodybuilder says one member sounds like she's having sex every time she lifts weights. “You can hear her everywhere," she says. "She'll have these little 5-pound weights and she'll be going 'Aaah, aaaaah, aaaaaaah!' like she's having an orgasm. The other members’ eye-rolling and face-making almost make it worth it, but it's really irritating."

Lifting five pounds makes her THAT happy? She must be a nightmare in the grocery store!

“Excessive locker-room nudity” was another complaint. I haven’t figured that one out. If you’re going to shower after working out, isn’t “excessive” nudity necessary? The only locker room “problem” I’ve had (if you can call it that) was the time a girl in the locker room caused me all kinds of self doubt, and she did nothing other than have perfect boobs.

There are three locker bays in the women’s locker room. Along the wall is a long mirror that reflects into each bay. I was in the third bay taking off my wrist bands and hand splints. The sweat line on my t-shirt almost reached my belly button and my hair was plastered to my head. There were a few women talking and changing clothes around me, but I wasn't paying attention.

However, when I glanced in the mirror, this absolutely stunning woman was in the second locker bay changing out of her gym clothes and into street clothes. Her long dark blond hair was pulled back in a hard plastic band and she was standing there without a bra on, slightly bent over and tying her right shoe which was balanced on the bench. I tried not to stare, but it was really hard not to watch her. I never knew breasts like that existed outside of magazines. They were perfect, probably a 34D, and when I wondered if they were real, I realized the woman was maybe 25 years old. Yes, I sighed, they were probably real.

She slipped a long-sleeved t-shirt on over her perfect rack, no bra needed, and bounced out of the locker room. I stared down at my own breasts, quite cognitive of the fact that mine never looked that good. Ever. Not even before nursing children.

But that was hardly the gym’s fault.

Also messing with my psyche at the gym in Pittsburgh are a few snotty women who lift with the big boys. I tried once to ask one of them where a towel was so I could wipe down my bench and she got all pissy with me. She glared at me and barked, “How would I know?”

Her lifting partner, who I think is her husband (poor guy), smiled apologetically and said, “There’s one in the other room.” I thanked him, but she left me feeling really stupid and inferior. I hate when I let people do that to me.

The only real gym problem I ever had was at my previous gym. I won’t go into details, but let’s just say it involved “excessive nudity,” only it wasn’t in the locker room. Ew.

So since I like to ask you guys a lot of questions, here’s today’s: Do you have any good gym stories? Or do you avoid the place like the plague?