I Have My Fat Suit On
This morning I met with a psychologist at my gym. As part of our program, we have the opportunity to explore why we overeat. I had my first session today. I know that I'm an emotional eater—and any emotion will do. I eat when I'm angry, happy, sad, whatever. So what I needed were some tools to deal with it. I'm going to try using a rubber band wrapped around my wrist so I snap myself whenever I have a negative thought. I'm going to try tracking how I feel about myself when I want to overeat. You've probably heard all of this before. I have too. I'm just actually going to try to do it this time.
And as it turns out, I have a lot of emotions going on right now. My number one difficulty is a fear of success—not failure but success. If I succeed in my weight loss goals, I won't know how I'm supposed to behave. I won't know who this person is. I've hidden behind my fat for so long that I'm not sure I can make it without my "uniform." I think that's also one of the reasons that I plateaued and couldn't get past it. So we'll see what happens if I snap myself enough times.
Today I feel unsure of how to move forward. I have some ideas, but I'm not entirely sure. I want to meet my weight loss goals. I'm just not sure of how to get there. I'll write more later.
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